objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are

I sold part of my youth this weekend. No mas Cressie. I knew this day was coming, I even blogged about it earlier, but it didn't really hit me until I pulled her away from the curb for the last time. I followed TP blindly and just relied on his brake lights to send the message to my brake and accelerator foot (not to be confused with my regulator foot), while my mind hurtled back to days gone by.  Sixteen years.  Sixteen shiny-turned-dull, countless tune-ups, tire changes, touch-ups, busticated this, bashed up that years.  If that doesn't spell out how much I like my stuff and dislike change, I don't know what would.  I've given up my college days futon for a proper bed, my milk crates for a lovely bookcase, my upturned cardboard box with a pretty patterned tablecloth to disguise it into a coffee table for nothing.  But I've held on to Cressie for a long long time.  I even gave up the chance of getting a Mercedes in order to keep Cressie!  

As I drove up 13th Street to deliver the title, keys, and goods to some Craigslist stranger, I couldn't stop the feeling of nostalgia overwhelm me.   I listened to mix cassette tapes on long drives, I engaged in ear-piercingly loud fights with LB (where the backseat passengers would get anxious and try to make peace between us only to find themselves the victim of our arguments because, unbeknownst to them, we quite enjoy fighting with each other), and I have criss-crossed various cities and always arrived home safely in this car.  THIS is the car that had a carpet sample in the trunk so that the inevitable salaan dish that would spill over wouldn't stain the trunk itself.  THIS is the car that LB argued with Mom about not losing the back of her gold earring only to lose the back of her gold earring in.  THIS is the car that I fell in love in, drove to and from the courthouse after our wedding, drove to and from the hospital after our kids were born.  

It has ZP's artwork in white crayon in the back.  It has a Clarksville, Indiana sticker on the license plate holder.  It has sixteen years of memories.  When some sappy romantic song popped onto the radio, you know the kind - the ones that have no meaning until you are feeling utterly sentimental and then suddenly it seems as though every lyric speaks volumes and is exactly what you are going through right now - I almost felt tears well up (and I'm not a tear-welling-up kind of gal).  I caught TP waving his hand and looking at me in the rear view mirror.  I half-heartedly waved back and hugged the steering wheel and mouthed, "MINE!"  He shook his head, waved back more energetically, and smiled and I realized, yes, I was saying goodbye to my past, but I was following my future.  Veevee held my husband, my toddler, and my infant.  I'm sure she'll have just as many high adventures and poignant memories before too long.  She won't be Cressie, but she'll do.  I believe I saw several smashed Cheerios and my Stephen Malkmus CD on the floor under the seat already. . . .


Ayesha said...

aww baji!

I can't even understand why people (e.g My Mister) get attached to various things but this post totally made me feel the emotions.
Insha Allah veevee will be very good to you and you;ll travel thousand of miles and make many trips to hospital to bring more kids home .. haha ;)

baj said...

yeah, i suppose it's not so much cressie herself (she's given me my share of frustration as well, most recently of which was refusing to drive in the snow/ice and forcing us to walk to work in subzero weather for three days), but the symbol of my younger, freer days that she represents. i'A, veevee will do all that you say except maybe the hospital trips! ;) i don't think my body could take it!

wayfarer said...

you're too cute. I totally get the feeling. I'm sentimental about this kind of stuff too.

lil b said...

awwww so dramatic!!!

hehe those silly backseat passengers, trying to meddle in our business, they know BAYYYTER!!

also, gimme my gold earring back back!

baj said...

wy - i think hormones may have had a hand in my being uber-sentimental about it too. :)

lb - how about i give you sacksy back?

yasmine said...

oh, i'm going to miss cressie, too, baji!

did we do some driving around in cressie during newunion007? i remember something about a 'follow that car!' line. or was that while we were squished in hman's civic?

and then in december, you and TP came along in cressie, and picked me up from the chinatown bus from philly that had dropped me off in that funky alley. and then we dropped off TP at work, and you and i went to whole foods and stocked up on yumminess and sat around at the counters chitchatting about estuff. and then cressie took us to your workplace, and you did something computer-related at your office, and i wandered around in the trademarks/patents museum (?) and took topsecret stealthy footoos!

and then you took me to the airport and we picked up my luggage!

and cressie took us to dinner with sara at Mama Ayesha's!

and then the next morning, you scraped the snow off cressie's windshield, and we drove in rainy/snowy weather while listening to your ipod, to have lunch with lil baji, and parked at the meters with the funny signs: ALL MAY PARK, ALL MUST PAY and giggled at that.

man, cressie was such a rockstar car... much lowve and highfives to cressie!

baj said...

awww, thanks for the tribute to cressie, yazzo!!! i was wondering if anyone was going to pipe up with their own stories in a sort of R.I.P. eulogy to my beloved but no luck! i'm glad you did. :D