Seriously folks, how hard is it to follow the instructions "cut my hair straight across, no curves, no layers, just straight across"? It has been four months since my last confession, er, haircut and my mop was looking mighty straggly. I went to my local (and cheapest) haircutting salon ("salon" said with heavy irony) and put my name down for a simple haircut (sans shampoo and blow-dry). I waited. And waited. And went to the library next door for a while and then waited. 45 minutes later, I was finally allowed to grace the barbershop throne.

I carefully and slowly told the hairdresser how I wanted my hair cut. Straight across (insert appropriate horizontal chopping hand gesture). No Farah Faucett Feathers, no trendy "the Rachel", and above all, no mullet. After several sharp yanks, agonizing head-tilts, and a near otoplasty, my hair was cut -- in a "U" shape. What the Shaq is this!? I argued with the hairmesser (stupid bint!) for a while and then just shut up and left. This is the fourth or fifth time this has happened and you'd think I would have learned my lesson by now. Please join me in banning StupidCuts. You won't regret it and your support is much appreciated.