4.07.2009

I always feel like somebody's watching me. Who's playing tricks on me? I always feel like somebody's watching me. I can't enjoy my tea!

Today, I was investigated by the U.S. Government. Granted, living in D.C. and having watched way to many spy thrillers, I suspect that I'm always under surveillance, that my phones are tapped, and that my mail is pre-read. I've already been fingerprinted on several occasions, had to fill out lengthy and personal questionnaires, and have had my turn at the super special VIP treatment at the airport. However, today's investigation was live and in person. I was asked about my loyalty to the country ("would you be willing to bear arms for a foreign government?") , about my proclivity for travel ("you have traveled quite a lot!"), and about my sex ("are you a male born after 1960?").

I had to explain that although I listed "Wales" as my place of birth on one form, the drop down menu on another form did not include "Wales" and so I chose "United Kingdom" and apologized for any confusion that may have caused (apparently it caused a lot of confusion because I was asked about it on three separate occasions). I was asked if anyone I knew would say that I was NOT reliable, trustworthy, of good conduct and character, or capable of holding a position of public trust (I answered with a hesitant "no?"). I was asked if anyone had any blackmail material they could use against me (well, do you?). I was asked if that was a regular coffee I was drinking (it was a mocha).

So, just as a heads up, if some white dudes with sunglasses and dark suits show up at your door and start asking you questions about me, just don't tell them about my blog. Or my facebook page. Or my flickr account. 'Kay? Great.

10 comments:

Lil B said...

glad it went well. sorry i haven't called you back.

baji said...

i figured you were down to the wire these days. 's'kay. 's'kay.

Julestress said...

Is this standard procedure? Or is it because of all that bad stuff i wrote about you?

baji said...

so YOU are the investigation instigator! i should have known when the investigator pulled out the file and bunch of cat hair drifted out. it was a toss-up between you and gojira.

Owl said...

Aw damn, that sounds uncomfortable. Any idea what brought it on?

baji said...

the story i got was that this was a new initiative to do security checks on all government employees "in the public trust" so that, if someone wanted to move from one branch or dept. to another, they would not have to go through this all over again. yep. that's their story and they are sticking to it.

sophister said...

I also feel like I am being watched. I think I am being watched by the Internal Revenue Service.

baji said...

i TOLD you that putting your illegally gained funds into a new jersey account was not the same as putting them into a "off shore" account. . .

sophister said...

I thought New Jersey was the Cayman Islands of the mainland?

sophister said...

By the way, what did Dela wear? A NEW MEXICO!!! HAHAHA GET IT?