go shoebox, it's yo birthday

My house turns 100 years old this year. Happy Birthday, housey! You don't look a day over 95. Never mind those wrinkles in the wall caused by settling - it just makes you look more distinguished! Don't pay any attention to the creaky pine floors that attempt to bear the combined weight of my and Baby X as we roam around at 2 a.m. looking for food and entertainment. The plastic surgery you had done to your posterior takes years off of your looks (even if the insulation kinda sucks). And that partially walled up secret room we just discovered in the basement just screams adventure and mystery (but hopefully does not actually scream with the terror of countless dead bodies). Anyway, happy birthday!