2.10.2009

Abandon Brain Cells, All Ye Who Enter Here

In response to several suggestions/requests on various topics, I present to you the following:

1. Horsepower is not the only thing it takes to go fast. A car’s power-to-weight ratio is a huge factor, and it’s overlooked far too often. Think about it: 400 ponies should give you great performance. Definitely true in a lightweight sports car, but 400 ponies in a lumbering tour bus, not so much. Same horsepower, different vehicle weights, different power-to-weight ratios. It’s calculated by dividing the horsepower by the vehicle curb weight. The result equals the number of pounds each horsepower has to motivate -- the lower, the better. Improving a car's power to weight ratio involves reducing the overall weight of the car and increasing its ability to produce horespower and torque. By eliminating unnecessary accessories and replacing existing parts with lightweight alternatives and by allowing the engine to burn fuel more quickly, you will be able to increase your car's performance.

2. Batman is the best because unlike other superheroes who can fall back on their God-given/Gamma-ray-given/Spider-bite-given/Alien-given powers, Batman has to rely solely on his wits, his cunning, and his own human strength. Yes, he has money, but what he chooses to do with it in conjunction with his self-reliance and his love for the city and its inhabitants is what lifts him above the rest. He has to fight evil in the form of villains but also the darkness within; which means every time he chooses to defend the good or beat back his own vengeful wrath to avoid killing mercilessly, he is winning a battle . . . a jihad, so to speak. Wait a minute. Is Batman a Muslim?

3. Owl - possibly because she is so smart, has big eyes, and is most active at night?

Chai - because she likes chai?

2 Scoops: As far as my ailing memory serves me, I remember that one of the first times LB and I met "Najm" (now my cousin in law! see what happens when I like you? I make you part of my family!) and "Taha," (which i guess makes THAT the first ever blogger newunion), we were a little hesitant and just sort of took it easy at the beginning to get to know one another. Solidifying my permanent "Baji" status, I treated everyone to sushi in Georgetown and then to ice cream at Ben & Jerry's. We all got in line and Taha had some difficulty choosing just one flavor. By then (a whole hour into meeting each other) we were comfortable enough with each other for (a) him to plead to his new baji if he could have two scoops and (b) me to agree. He was so freaking excited about having two scoops of ice cream that, as we stood outside of the store and watched his unbridled glee and enthusiasm spill willy nilly, his nickname was born.

Icubaji: Five years ago, when I was first introduced to the world of blogs, I decided to create my own. The name "Baji" had already been taken by some ignorant fool who clearly did not know that I am the one and only Baji around. Toying around with some variations, I recalled a time when a bunch of us drove from Louisville to Florida one year and the young cousin of my friend picked up a toilet paper roll, used it as a spyglass, and excitedly exclaimed in a childish, lispy shriek, "I thee you, Baji!" Voila.

4. Trademarks are not the same as copyrights or patents so stop asking me about the latter. If you want to trademark a word or design or both, you should file the application through TEAS PLUS (which is $50 less than regular TEAS) online. If you are already using the mark in commerce and can submit a "specimen" (i.e. evidence of use such as a tag or label for goods or an ad or website for services), then you should go under 1(a) which is use-based. Otherwise, if you go under 1(b) for intent-to-use, you'll have to pay $100 down the line when you do, eventually, start using the mark in commerce. There is no need to hire an attorney UNLESS there is some complication (such as someone already using the same or similar mark in commerce for the same or similar goods/services or the mark is descriptive of the goods/services or the mark is scanalous pandalous, etc.). If there IS a complication, the USPTO will let you know and you can decide at that point whether or not to hire an attorney to respond. More info, can be found on the USPTO's website. If you want to try to search the public records yourself to see if anyone is using the mark, you can use TESS which is also on the USPTO's website.

5. Abez: Her Scrabble skills are lethal. Her baking skills are world renowned. Her web designing skills are wicked (this blog case in point). Her "Right Brain/Left Brain" dialogues would leave me rolling in the aisles. Her brief but exciting visit to our humble abode was too short. Her generous heart, strength of will and faith, and sense of humor are a source of inspiration and joy to others - whether she knows it or not.

Your turn. My mother is on the search for a new, simple, inexpensive computer. Suggestions?

12 comments:

yasmine said...

-admit it, you completely copy-pasted the whole horsepower-related bullet point from wikipedia or something, didn't you?! (interro-unnecessaryaccessories!)

-dude, i thought it turned out Chai HATES chai, and so her blogID was all tongue-in-cheek (which i didn't find out until much, much later)?

-taha always throws in an 'a.k.a. 2Scoops' when he calls and reaches my voicemail, which makes me laugh, because he swears like he's not the only taha i know anyway.

-the 'i theeeeeeee you, baji!' story always makes me laugh the most.

-re. compooter, as i have said, MACBOOK! THE END!

baji said...

wikiwhat? how dare you! *puts brick in glove and smacks glove across yaz's cheek*

gah, really? i can't keep my family's loves/hatreds straight. :)

that boy should be renamed "taha, a.k.a. ON NOTICE."

macbook is too pricey for her simple needs! she just wants to email, surf the net, and save pix. and maybe do some quickbooks. maybe the mini mac?

sophister said...

Mac mini will still run you about $800 with the monitor and keyboard/mouse being sep't purchases. Also, I do not understand the numbering scheme in this post. It goes from 1, to 2, to 3, which is all well and good. But then it goes from 3, to 2 scoops, and I think there's an aberration there. But I'm not altogether sure. Then, out of nowhere there's 4 and 5.

Also, do you have a patent on the material in this blog? In addition, do you think you can help me to trademark a novel i'm working on? I guess ill copyright the name too.

baji said...

i should send all patent seekers to you. and all copyright seekers. and all felons.

HijabMan said...

mac mini

Osman said...

my mom just got a new computer as well. similar purpose. i think most of the big box stores have a very generic desktop with adequate features for around $500, including monitor.

Owl said...

0_0

(looks like me, no?)

Yes, Chai hateth the chai. But she does coffee though. Particularly with jelly beans.

Baji is definitely The Baj. No doubts.

And that horsepower bit officially makes you The Man. I am muchness impressed. Can we be fwends?! :D

baji said...

hjb and osm - thx!

owl - haha, so apparently i got everyone's name history wrong except my own and the person i named. so why are you 'de grouchy owl'? i know your litany about the grouchiness but where did the owl part come from?

No Longer ON NOTICE? said...

Aw bajster you're the best and usually I am in complete agreement with you on pretty much everything but Batman?! Granted he's a good pick but Spaceman Spiff and Stupendous Man are definitely #'s 1 and 2 for me.

On a serious note, I spent some time with Hijabman yesterday and he told me about Nanaji - may Allah (swt) grant him the best of this life and Jannah in the next and put peace and tranquility in his heart and in the hearts of those who love him in these times of uncertainty. Ameen. Your memories of people are always so beautiful and through our knowing of you and your descriptions of them, though we have never them we grow to love them.

baji said...

oh, 2 scoops, you could never stay 'on notice' for too long. thx for your lovely words. *mwah*

yasmine said...

ameen to 2Scoops' beautiful dua - such a lovely dua that he should be not-ON NOTICE for his articulateness alone, mashaAllah.

Owl said...

Baji,hah, um, the Owl moniker was actually kind of random. The day I was creating my blog, I had taken an online quiz called What Kind of Animal Are You In The Office. And I was an owl. Can't remember why.

Only later did friends/family conveniently claim that my nocturnal/insomniac ways, big eyes, and modicum of wisdom make me especially owlish.

And as to grouchy.... :D