I can't believe it's almost August. How my life has changed in mid-May. With the brutal heat we've had this summer and extenuating circumstances requiring close proximity to the fridge, the bed, and the bathroom, I've spent most of my days inside the house with "The Beast" - tending to his needs, watching a bit of cable, and trying to sneak in a nap or wolf down some food here and there. I'm luckier than some in that ZP is healthy, happy, and actually sleeps at night rather than all day long and that TP's office is close enough that he can, on occassion, come home for lunch and relieve me long enough to shower or eat. It will be strange when, in a few weeks, I'll be returning to work part-time and then full-time. I'm a bit nervous about it. Will I remember anything about trademark law at all? Will I be able to bear being away from my baby for so long? Will I have any free time in my life after this? It's all so up in the air right now. I guess time will tell. Wish me luck!

Yay for Chai's and Literaunty's visit this weekend - they made excellent babysitters and chefs. And yay for Uncle Y's surprise visit as well - he made a great arm chair (literarily) for ZP. And yay for ZP for braving his doctor's visit despite the indignity of getting totally undressed and man-handled and also getting jabbed three times with a needle.

MIL and FIL came to visit this weekend. [radio edit]. We got along nicely and now, before you know it, like Kaiser Soze (*puff*), they're gone.

I think you'll agree that my wee one has gotten the monkey part of his robot monkey pirate heritage down pat. Just gotta work on the robot and pirate parts. Please send all bionic parts and eyepatches to DC pronto. That is all.

The beast sleeps! Only have time enough for bullet points. Ready, go:

• Still in the process of unpacking and arranging the house, but managed to get some artwork on the walls, the books semi-organized, and found 100 euros in a French phrase book!
• Managed to go to a birthday party with ZP and had a good time, good food, and hand-me-downs galore.
• Speaking of "galore," am reading "The Princess Bride" to ZP and am enjoying it as much as he seems to be.
• Haven't gotten my hair cut since the winter months but once Cybermom returns, plan to do so, along with some clothes shopping, some lunching, and some napping.
• In response to my varied propositions for things to do, TP's latest favest phrase in response is "Insha'Zain."
• Was so pleased this weekend when TP was home and I got to have coffee (decaf, but still), make pancakes, and shower in the morning.
• ZP slept for an unbelieveable 5 hours last night and we are still reeling from shock. I pray there is a repeat performance tonight.
• Too bloody hot outside these days to take our evening strolls but hope to do so again soon. ZP loves going out for rides in his diapomobile.

Hey, ZP, how are ye? Everything copasetic? Cool. Guess what today is . . .





















It's your daddy's birthday! And guess what else!

















It's your Uncle Najm's birthday too!

















Not to mention: Bastille Day! Celebrate! Party! Cannolis!


















Awww, tuckered out little beast. Happy birthday, boys!

Ook ook! Ook ook eeh eeh ah ah! Etc. Monkey baby and baby monkey. Mine is the one on the left.

Lamentations of the Father

by Ian Frazier

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.

But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

Laws When at Table

And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke. Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away. When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away.

When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you. Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why. Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

Laws Pertaining to Dessert

For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert. But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.

On Screaming

Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.

Concerning Face and Hands

Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.

Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances

Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building; nor eat sand.

Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not that humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

Complaints and Lamentations

O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do, you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail; and when I do not accede, you cry out, and hit and kick. Yes, and even sometimes do you spit, and shout "stupid-head" and other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and the molding thereof when you are sent to the corner. And though the law teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner for more minutes than he has years of age, yet I would leave you there all day, so mighty am I in anger. But upon being sent to the corner you ask straightaway, "Can I come out?" and I reply, "No, you may not come out." And again you ask, and again I give the same reply. But when you ask again a third time, then you may come out.

Hear me, O my children, for the bills they kill me. I pay and pay again, even to the twelfth time in a year, and yet again they mount higher than before. For our health, that we may be covered, I give six hundred and twenty talents twelve times in a year; but even this covers not the fifteen hundred deductible for each member of the family within a calendar year. And yet for ordinary visits we still are not covered, nor for many medicines, nor for the teeth within our mouths. Guess not at what rage is in my mind, for surely you cannot know.

For I will come to you at the first of the month and at the fifteenth of the month with the bills and a great whining and moan. And when the month of taxes comes, I will decry the wrong and unfairness of it, and mourn with wine and ashtrays, and rend my receipts. And you shall remember that I am that I am: before, after, and until you are twenty-one. Hear me then, and avoid me in my wrath, O children of me.

The Atlantic Monthly; February 1997; Volume 279, No. 2; pages 89-90

ZP attended his first concert last week at Fort Reno! He was quite content to listen to the music while chilling on the grass, watching the fireflies flit by, and staring at an older hippie dude, with the slow and deliberate motions of an ape, pick mulberries off of a nearby tree and eat them for dinner. ZP enjoyed the tunes of the chick band Federal City Five (seen playing on the stage in the background - the same stage that his daddy played on a few years ago) and smirked at punk latino Machetres' version of Jimi Hendrix's "Hey, Joe" called "Hey, Jose." Rock on, baby. Rock on.