My co-workers are planning a baby shower for me. I'm pleased, but uncertain about it. It was thoughtful of them and more people than I expected are eager to attend but I've never been an attention-monger and feel awkward when the spotlight is on me. Growing up, I was always the back-row-in-the-classroom type. Left of center. Part of the nerd crew. I got along with everyone, but compared to some (i.e., LB), I was not very social. I'm happy making friends with whomever happens to sit next to me, but I'm loathe to get up and introduce myself to new people. Maybe that's just slacker laziness or fear of forcing my company upon someone who does not want it, but there you have it.

So it surprised me when my co-worker called me to ask when a good day for the shower would be. I've helped her and several others cope with work and played the therapist when she has come weeping on more than one occassion. (*flashback to the days when I was working in the law firm and had a long, low black couch in my office that my Palestinian/Tunisian friend used to frequent by lying down and spilling her woes to me*). Somehow, my office has become the equivalent of the student lounge where, anytime people get bored or feel like socializing, they congregate in my office to eat snacks, chat about work or gossip, and kick back. So it's not that I don't think people don't like me (how can they resist?), it's just that I didn't think anyone would want to make an effort like this. Part of my reluctance is that because the party is for me, I'll be the center and therefore must speak to everyone, including people I don't care to make an effort to get to know better. Part of my reluctance is that because I'll be the center, so will my belly and everyone will stare at it and perhaps try to sneak a rub in (no joke, the cashier at the bagel place I sometimes stop by in the mornings saw me, greeted me, and then rubbed my belly and walked on). I don't know what it is, but perhaps with the little sleep, the lot of aches, and the anxiety of moving/selling with the unknown baby stuff looming ahead, I'm not in the mood to put on a party hat and play silly games. Ah well. At least there will be cake.

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