Un. Be. Lieveable. We've been home for four days and in that time, we've caught four mice. That's a mouse a day! At this rate, we're looking at a very Sisyphean winter. Perhaps we should boil their little mouse heads, remove the skin, and display the skulls at mouse-eye-level to serve as a warning to other mice to leave us alone. Nah, too much work. Mouseheads on pikes is much easier.

Ahoy, lads and lassies! We're back. This was the first Thanksgiving spent away from home. It was different but still lovely. Different in that we didn't have anywhere from 20 ("oh, you know, just the family") to 100 people ("well, we just invited a few of our friends") to host, socialize with, feed, and clean up after. Our usual Thanksgiving weekend schedule consists of Mom getting up at an ungodly hour and starting the turkey while the rest of us gradually awaken and get assigned various chores and tasks. Take out the extra chairs! Set the table! Make those puff pastry thingies! Then, the guests begin streaming in. This time, I actually got to sit down and eat my turkey and 'taters and fixin's without having to leap up to offer someone my seat or refill a glass. I missed sharing the weekend with the BIG family (i.e. aunts, uncles, cousins, and all of those close friends whom we've pretty much adopted or absorbed into the family too), but I was happy to be with the core four (now five).

The day after T-day was usually spent doing several loads of dish-washing, laundry-washing, and floor-washing. This time, Mom, Dad, and LB braved Black Friday and hit the mall for new tires (which came with a $50 gift certificate, yay Sears!) and a new TV (which we didn't get, stupid Sears!), while TP and I worked on some home improvements and went for a stroll around the golf course to lounge around by the club house pool and then scare off the cowardly neighborhood alligator sunning himself on the banks of the nearby pond. In the afternoon, instead of continuing the clean-up project or shivering our way to the stores in frigid winter weather, we went to Venice Beach. It was a little disconcerting to spend the end of November in balmy 80 degree weather, walking along a sunny path lined with palm trees and live oaks dripping with Spanish moss on our way to beach, but I got used to it pretty quickly. So, that's a recap of our holiday weekend. What did y'all do?

Things learned this weekend:

• no matter how often you tell your husband not to give you his cold, he will disobey.
• the 10 lane Delaware tollbooth narrowing to 2 lanes is the suck in both directions.
• upyernoz lives in an amazing, gargantuan abode with its own mudroom, monkeyroom, and gameroom.
• I thought only Tetris had this ability, but Settlers of Catan invaded my dreams after only a single game.
• our little peanut is growing and is now the size of a lemon.
• T-minus three days until Florida! Yay!

Matador at Fifteen. Good stuff.

Super Soaker Liquidator to aim sniper-like from the second story window and hit the barking neighbor dog. Good stuff.

Chipotle's Veggie Burrito at 1:00 a.m. when some little monster wakes me up craving guacamole. Good stuff.

Like daughter, like mother.

Scene I: Anticipating H-Biddy's arrival, I get on-line to check the flight status and in the corner of my eye, catch her on-line too.

Facsimile of Dialogue:
"Hey! Where are you? What are you doing?"
"Hey, Baji! Oh, you know, just chilling."
"Are you at the airport?"
"What? No, I'm at home."
"WHAT?! Your flight leaves in about half an hour!"
"LOL! Oh, Baji. My flight is tomorrow!"
"Are you sure? Because LB, the Palm Pilot Nazi she is, assured me that you were coming in today."
"Hahahaha, no."
"Well, just go check your ticket anyway."
"Fine, I'll be right back."
-- pause --
"Oh NOOOOOO!!!!!"
End scene.

Scene II: Several years later. Anticipating Literaunty's arrival, I get on-line to check the flight status and discover that rather than ARRIVING at 8:30 p.m. the flight was DEPARTING at 8:30 p.m.

Facsimile of Dialogue:
"Literaunty! Where are you?!"
"Hello, beta, we are in Atlanta! Our flight is about to leave in twenty minutes or so."
-- pause --
"Did I tell you that we were arriving at 8:30?"
"YES! We were almost on our way to pick you up and I came to check if the flight was delayed or not and found out it hasn't even taken off yet!"
"Oh, I suspected that I told you the wrong information, but then I thought since I gave you the flight information, you would figure it out."
"Oh, Aunty, you are just as bad as H-Biddy. But at least you were only 2 hours off instead of 24 hours off."

Like son, like father.

Scene III: Sitting around the dinner table, engaging in some gup-shup, Izbot contributes.

Facsimile of Monologue:

"Have you seen that Spongebob where he thinks that Plankton is only evil and trying to steal Krabby-patties because he doesn't have any friends? So he tries to be his friend and then Spongebob finds out that Plankton doesn't even know what the word "FUN" means? So he starts to sing this song to explain it to him? And it goes, "F is for Friends who do stuff together. U is for You and meeeee. N is for Anywhere and anytime at all down here in the deep blue sea"? But then Plankton messes it up and says, "F is for Fire that burns down the whole town. U is for URANIUM...BOMBS! . . . . "

Scene IV: Sitting around the breakfast table, engaging in some gup-shup, Literuncle contributes.

Facsimile of Monologue:

"Have you seen that Spongebob where SpongeBob says a bad word but instead of the word, all you hear is a loud honk, like "ahhhOOOOgah!" and what is that fellow's name? Hahn, Patrick is shocked and tells him not to say that anymore? But Spongebob can't help himself and he repeats it and Patrick threatens to tell on him but Spongebob bribes him with some ice cream? But then Patrick goes to tell what is that boss's name? Hahn, Krabby. Patrick tries to tell Krabby but Spongebob beats him to it and tells Krabby that Patrick said the bad word and again it is just "HONK!" And Krabby tells that that is one of the 13 bad words they should never say and then when he reads out the list, it's just all "HONK! OOOGAH! BEEP! RAAAHH!!! . . . . "

The good: having Veteran's Day off; TP buying me doughnuts because I casually mentioned that I hadn't had any in ages; a visit from Literaunty and Literuncle; Martinelli's Sparkling Cider; Steve Martin's "diving competition" sketch.

The bad: Netflix delivering "Shaun of the Dead" waaay past the Halloween due date they promised; startled neighbor dogs who are too stupid to figure out where the spray of water comes from when they bark; trying to cook pasta without any electricity; the 30 degrees we'll have tonight.

The ugly: me when I catch some brat neighborhood kids fooling around in pretend fights and slamming into my parked car for fun; the amount of dust on top of the tallest bookcase; the gigantic people on the metro who take up a seat and a half with their girth and bags thereby preventing anyone from sitting in the half-empty seat.

Ooh-wee-ooh-wee-ooooooohhhh (wah wah wah) . . .

Ahoy, lads and lassies! After hitting Home Depot (never-ending house repairs) and IHOP (four kinds of syrup!), this is how I spent my weekend. How about you?

Eid Mubarak, y'all!

Okay, my fellow scrabbie-lovers, literati-junkies, and bibliophiles. Here's your quiz for the day. How many words can you make out of the following letters? Enjoy! Eid Mubarak, evrrrrybody! ("Eid Mubarak, Dr. Nick!")