Bah! Home ownership is fraught with pitfalls and repairs. First, it was the tub where the water only came out of the spigot at the base and not through the showerhead above. When TP tried to fix it, a gush of scalding hot water erupted out of the hot water faucet handle and could have done some major damage if he hadn't raced down to the basement to shut off the main water pipes. All this while guests from NY were arriving. "Welcome to DC! We have no water." Luckily, our friends are easy-going and laughed it off. "It's like being in Pakistan! Sort of like load-shedding but with water!"

Next, it was garbage disposal which somehow got a tiny hole in the plastic housing and was leaking water into the cabinet below. After several phone calls to the warranty people and convincing them that we are covered, they finally sent a technician to repair it. Upon further examination, the tech decided it was more trouble that it was worth to fix it and insead just installed a new one.

Then, stupid Verizon, whose service we use for the phone and whose DSL service our neighbors - whose house is attached to ours - uses, insisted that WE could not receive DSL service. For some reason, our house had two lines running through it. After a month of mixed messages, repair guys appearing and tinkering around but not fixing anything, and a final "no," we just got Comcast cable modem yesterday - which is pretty pricey if you don't also subscribe to their cable tv service - which we can't because we already signed an 18 month contract with Dish Network - which goes bonkers any time it is rainy outside. Speaking of rain . . .

Latest: The deluge of stormy weather that has hit DC has caused buckets o' water to collect on our roof and now it is starting to seep through the ceiling. I woke up the other day to get a snacky snack at 2am and found a puddle of water on the landing at the top of the stairs. With near-constant rain coming down, the wet spot on the ceiling is getting wider and worse. We need to get that repaired beofre the roof caves in on us.

So, what's up next?! (interrodread!)

*shhh. he's alseep. i should be asleep too. and yet, here i am with a quick update. thanks to cybermom and dad for helping me with everything from bathing zp (slippery lil' devil) to rocking him to sleep (using every family member as his own personal bed). thanks to gojira for visiting me and providing me with adult conversation as well as an opportunity to nap while she obeyed the master's commands or suffer the wrath of the angry toes (can't wait to have our own celebrity poker tournament!). thanks to lb and kg for the food and babysitting and the laptop (without which, this blog would have cobwebs in the corners . . . errr, more so). and thanks to tp for taking care of me in every way - emotionally, physically, and foodily (gonna hunker down over some home-cookin' tonight). and thanks to all youze guyz for still visiting this place even though the updates are few and far between and seem to be all about baby stuff. alhumdulillah, his first month's dr's visit went well and he's a healthy baby weighing in at over 10 lbs and stretching out to 24 inches. the best is the morning smile i get and the funniest is watching his huge cheeks tremble with effort when he raises his head. awwww.*

ALERT! ALERT! FURIOUS BEAST AWAKENS! SLASHING CLAWS (seriously, baby nails are fiercely sharp), GNASHING GUMS (hints of teeth threatening beneath), AND ANGRY EYEBROWS (inherited from his daddy)!

*runs away*

Happy Birthday, LB!
Here's a kiss from your absolutely mostest toastest favorite nephew.
xoxoxo, Baji

Been tagged by Musicalchef and so . . . Ten things (most of you) don't know about me (apologies if there is some repetition from the 100 things about me post, parts one and two):

1. When I was younger, I could lace my fingers together and jump through my arms as though they were a jump rope. Not so sure I could still do that these days.
2. With sugared cereals forboden in our household, I used to sneak a scoop or more of sugar straight out of the sugar jar to get my sweet fix.
3. The hardest part of Ramadan for me is the waking up and forcing myself to eat something for Sehri - I used to fall asleep while chewing a banana and when woken up to finish it, I would just shift it from one cheek to the other and snooze.
4. I've seen the Princess Bride so many times that I could (and probably still can) recite almost every single line.
5. I was so addicted to Atari that I managed to get calluses on my fingers from playing so much. Pacman fever, indeed!
6. Although I try not to be, I'm a very vengeful person - during the first month of starting at a new school in the 7th grade, the 'cool girls' decided to pick on me and wrote mean notes to me and put a tack on my chair; in response, I determined who the 'leader' was and kicked her into her locker as the end of school bell rang and walked away. They didn't bother me after that.
7. I can fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes a mere three weeks after delivering my baby.
8. One night whilst asleep on my pallet in Pakistan, I woke up when I felt something tickling my cheek - it was a monster cockroach. With wings. Still freaks me out.
9. For some bizarre reason, after a shower with still-wet hair, I would sometimes suck the water out of my long hair on my way to school. Since I never used a hair-dryer, sometimes my hair would be a mass of frozen strands.
10. My name means 'the fountain in heaven where those closest to God drink.'

To spare what few readers I have left, I won't tag anyone. But whomsoever wishes to be tagged may consider themselves so tagged - just let me know and I'll come visit!

my, how my life has changed. sporadic sleep, incomplete meals, and use of a whole different set of muscles. here is the new soundtrack of my life:


Breast-feeding: Taste the Pain by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
Wriggly diaper change, belly button cleaning, and change of clothes as fast as possible: Jerry Was a Racecar Driver by Primus
Busting out the clippers and letting Dad 'shave' ZP's hair: Cut Your Hair by Pavement
ZP's angry eyebrows and ferocious anger when I'm not fast enough to understand what he is trying to communicate to me: Any song really, by Rage Against the Machine
Looking at the multiple laundry baskets that Mom has graciously been attending to: I Don't Wanna Go Down To The Basement by the Ramones

Being hypnotized by ZP's wide eyes and believing he recognizes me and adores me (especially when I catch that fleeting smile that may indicate pleasure but may also indicate a soiled diaper in progress): Your Favorite Thing by Sugar

Watching ZP sleep and wanting to do anything I can to give him everything he needs and wants: Little Babies by Sleater Kinney

i'm the water i'm the dishes i'm the soap

i will comfort make you clean help you cope

when you're tired feeling helpless

come inside i am the shelter

and then when you're feeling better i'll watch you go

dum dum dee dee dee dum dum dee dum do

all the little babies go oh oh i want to

dum dum dee dee dee dum dum dee dum yeah

rock the little babies with one two three four

are you hungry did you eat before the show

i peeled potatoes set the table washed the floor

i know the others treat you rough

and when you know you've had enough

you'll come and see me cuz' you know

i'm always here

mother's little helper

I can't wait until ZP fits into his new onesie - hand-stitched by TP's previous singer in his band. MORE COW BELL!

In other non-baby related news, I'm glad they are showing the second season of Lost these days because although I caught one episode in the middle and the finale, I'm not certain what the shaq is going on. Also, I cannae believe I finally have cable again after a drought of about two years. So long, Netflix. Hello, Good Eats, Adult Swim, IFC, and Comedy Central (oh, how I've missed Colbert).

Is it just me, or do any of you also channel Harvey Keitel's character "Mr. White" from Reservoir Dogs singing "you're gonna be okayyyyy, you're gonna be okayyyyyy" to the bullet-wounded Mr. Orange when changing a squirmy, dissatisfied baby's diapers?

Zain is fast approaching his two week birthday. I'm still astounded by everything he does and am fascinated by the little changes. By mid-June, he'll be a month old which is just about time for him to go to his first concert, don't you think? Fort Reno, here we come!

Thanks for all the du'as and funny comments and HIGHlarious updates to the blog, y'all! As you might well imagine, my world has been rocked. The right honorable Sir Zain (a.k.a. "baby doll" [my dad], a.k.a. "the beast" [TP], a.k.a. "squeaky mcgee" [me]) is a joy and wonder to us all. Today, he turns a whole week old. During the course of his one week on this earth, he's been through quite a bit. Mr. Fashion Plate had to make his arrival a dramatic one where he came into this world with the cord wrapped not once, but TWICE, around his neck as though it was a stylish scarf. With only an hour left to spare to make his appearance on his due date, he made it safe and sound and was whisked away to be suctioned, swabbed, and swaddled. We spent two nights in the hospital, but thanks to Zain's perfect timing, since we didn't get our room until 1am, which technically was a new day, we were only charged for one day. Heh heh, suckers. TP was amazing throughout the delivery and I couldn't ask for a more loving and brave hubby. Once word was given that Zain was available for viewing and cooing, Cybermom and Dad and LB were there in an instant, doting on him, exclaiming over every little toe, and lost to him already.

Except for two rather rough nights where we were stupid and didn't understand what he was crying about [note to self, "wah! wah! wah!" means "change my diaper, you jerks!" and "ah ah AHHEEEEEE" means "feed me already, cruel things!"], Zain has been incredibly good. He was holding his head up by himself within the first few hours of life and soon will be brandishing a sword and buckling his swash all by himself. The master and commander of my life is demanding my attention now and so I must away.

"Squeak. Sniffle. Ahem. wah. wah. WAHHH!"
"AYE AYE, SIR!"

He's here! Alhumdulillah, he's healthy, happy, and here! He came on his due date after all - that's mah boy! *wipes tear from eyes* 'Twas the phrase "okay, let's try one last push otherwise we may have to have a c-section" that got him to come into the world at an hour before midnight. 8 lbs, 0.03 ozs, 21 inches, powerful lungs, kung-fu grip, and a heart-breaking gaze that melts my heart. Thanks for all du'as and well-wishes and keep 'em coming! More on me wee pirate later! Yeehawwwzzzzz. . . zzzzz . . . zzzzz.

Naughty, lazy baby! *looks at watch, taps toe impatiently, sighs heavily* No sign of the wee one yet. I think he is taking after his Aunty LB and wants to make a fashionably late arrival. Bah!

I. Love. This. Website. Pandora. You can customize a 'radio-station' by entering the types of music you like (by artist or by song) and the program will offer suggestions of other similar bands/styles and play them for you. For free. Yay! I heart free!

Whew! We have finally moved out of our ghetto fabulous (sans fabulous) house in CoHi and into our skinny (and when I say 'skinny,' I mean like 13 feet wide) abode in AdMo. The move went pretty well - the movers were quiet, quick, polite, and inexpensive. Plus, we got to hear TP speaking Spanish all day which is always fun. We now have an intricate maze of boxes and furniture to navigate through in order to get from one end of the house to the other. I wish there was some cheese at the end of the maze to reward the effort, but our fridge currently houses leftover ginger chicken, a bottle of water, and some labne. Gotta go grocery shopping, STAT!

Meanwhile, enjoy this advice from my cousin's husband's sister in response to my piratey email notifying me hearties of the move to a new port:

A few things to do with your sword, which spring immediately to mind:

1. Clean baby poop from under your fingernails

2. Chop veggies for the Lord and Master's dining pleasure (I mean the baby; TP's completely out of the picture as of now - poor soul - except as inspiration for sword use no. 4 below).

3. Hold poop-soiled diaper at the end of; prior to chucking in the bin; with a view to maximizing distance between nose (yours) and said diaper.

4. After a night of alternately breast feeding and changing diapers every 30 minutes, playfully brandish at TP (but with a thoughtful look in the eye) when he lovingly asks in the morning, "did you sleep well, hon?"

5. Give yourself quick haircuts with, since you won't have time for that kind of frivolous, carefree thing anymore - oh goddness me - no.

6. And hold on to it (the sword) because when your little baby boy turns 13, and wants to pierce his ear - and gosh, I hope you raise him right so that he will want to - think how handy it'll be then - no, silly, not to teach him a lesson and chop off his ear with, but to be totally supportive and pierce it for him.

My buddy Faisal was interviewed recently on NPR/BBC/PRI regarding the trials and tribulations of being a Muslim attorney working for THE MAN and tangling with politics, the media, and the freaks. Listen up, yo.

Muslim-American lawyer interview
A Muslim-American lawyer working at the Department of Homeland Security was investigated for alleged ties to a man charged with financing terrorist groups. The Muslim-American lawyer was cleared...but rumors continue to swirl on-line. The World's Athena Desai has the story.

(thx for the heads up, mothman).

I couldn't place why I loved these Dunkin' Donuts (or as TP calls them, Binkin' Bonkers) commercials so much until I found out that they are sung by They Might Be Giants. No wonder! I can't wait to introduce me wee one to them with this.

Just got back from a shopping trip to Whole Foods where, of course, I can't leave without dropping less than $50 when RASSIN' FRASSIN' WHAT THE SHAQ KIND OF STUPID IDIOT PUT THE WORST OF ALL CHOCOLATE BARS (honestly, who likes milk chocolate bars - not only that, but milk chocolate with puffed rice - gotta be the most boring combination ever) IN THE CONTAINER FOR THE ONE OF THE BEST OF ALL CHOCOLATE BARS (although, I must admit that I prefer this over that). Excuse me while I weep bitter tears.

My co-workers are planning a baby shower for me. I'm pleased, but uncertain about it. It was thoughtful of them and more people than I expected are eager to attend but I've never been an attention-monger and feel awkward when the spotlight is on me. Growing up, I was always the back-row-in-the-classroom type. Left of center. Part of the nerd crew. I got along with everyone, but compared to some (i.e., LB), I was not very social. I'm happy making friends with whomever happens to sit next to me, but I'm loathe to get up and introduce myself to new people. Maybe that's just slacker laziness or fear of forcing my company upon someone who does not want it, but there you have it.

So it surprised me when my co-worker called me to ask when a good day for the shower would be. I've helped her and several others cope with work and played the therapist when she has come weeping on more than one occassion. (*flashback to the days when I was working in the law firm and had a long, low black couch in my office that my Palestinian/Tunisian friend used to frequent by lying down and spilling her woes to me*). Somehow, my office has become the equivalent of the student lounge where, anytime people get bored or feel like socializing, they congregate in my office to eat snacks, chat about work or gossip, and kick back. So it's not that I don't think people don't like me (how can they resist?), it's just that I didn't think anyone would want to make an effort like this. Part of my reluctance is that because the party is for me, I'll be the center and therefore must speak to everyone, including people I don't care to make an effort to get to know better. Part of my reluctance is that because I'll be the center, so will my belly and everyone will stare at it and perhaps try to sneak a rub in (no joke, the cashier at the bagel place I sometimes stop by in the mornings saw me, greeted me, and then rubbed my belly and walked on). I don't know what it is, but perhaps with the little sleep, the lot of aches, and the anxiety of moving/selling with the unknown baby stuff looming ahead, I'm not in the mood to put on a party hat and play silly games. Ah well. At least there will be cake.

Four weeks until lift off. Is the baby's room ready? No. Is the house ready? No. Are we ready? *shrug*.

"Have you picked out a theme for the nursery?"
"Yeah, boxes."

While LB and Gunnar are cruising down the canals of Venice in a gondola, TP and I are making do with one car (not too bad, actually), trying to sell our old house (in the second stage of counter-offering with one dude right now), planting fig trees at the new house (already saw one little baby fig emerging!), and working down to the wire. In the few free moments I have when I am not packing or visiting with friends (it's not even May and visiting season has begun), I'm finally watching Lost on dee-wee-dee. It's 6:30 a.m. right now and I've been up for over an hour because it has become increasingly difficult to find a comfortable position in which to sleep. I hear last night's pizza calling me now and so away I go.

The tent has come down, the couple is wed, and the guests have gone home. The wedding was fantastic, the food delish, and now, we update!

Top Five Top Five:

Top Five Typical Pakistani Inappropriate Comments Made

1. "The government doesn't pay their employees very much, do they? How much do you make?"
2. "How much weight have you gained?"
3. "You should wax your arms; it's your wedding day!" (response: "no, I don't think so.") "Yes, you should wax your arms."
4. "Every time I see you, you are eating."
5. "I didn't get a wedding invitation. Where and when is it?"

Top Five Ailments

1. Achy-breaky back
2. Ribs crushed in the attempt to wear pre-pregnancy lengha above 8 month pregnant belly
3. No rest for the wicked because in order to spend time with the grandfathers, you have to be up at 6 a.m. and in order to hang with the cousins, you have to be up until 2 a.m.
4. Diabetic coma after eating all the food and sweets and the snacks that Cybermom is notorious for scattering throughout the house
5. Marshmallow toes from flying and standing so much

Top Five Lessons Learned

1. Don't get nails done with LB because you will inevitably get the bad guy
2. Don't let Aunty Yaz sit in a rickety chair
3. Don't tell Nanaji you will bring 4 of the Harry Potter books to him unless you actually have them in hand
4. Don't park your van in the soggy grass the evening after a tornado warning and hard rain
5. Don't get a sari blouse that closes with tiny hooks that are supposed to hang onto teeny bits of thread but don't

Top Five Foods Had

1. Dehi Vada
2. Wedding cake
3. Big, juicy dates that you can eat with a knife and fork
4. Palak
5. Goat meat
   

Top Five Moments of the Wedding Weekend

1. The Qs and O Bro's comedy routine
2. Noozle's singing "Summertime" just for LB
3. All of LB's friends in one place laughing, eating, and enjoying themselves
4. The dancing at the mehndi and when the music kept stopping and starting, hearing Aunty Yaz's exclaim during one of the moments of silence in her piercing voice "SOMETHING'S WRONG!"
5. Gunnar's maiyoun dancing and wedding speech

"So, Baji, how've you been?"
"Well, do you want the pat and generic 'I'm fine, thanks, and you?' answer or do you want the long, drawn-out melodrama?"
"Oooh! Melodrama, please!"
"So be it."

Saturday:

The good news:

• LB and I spent a nice sister's morning as we haven't done in a long time complete with perfect eyebrows, fresh "masala bagels," and Smallville.
• Our house went up for sale and even though the open house isn't until next week, we already got four interested buyers.
• Got to see Literaunty, Literuncle, and Dadaji for brunch.

The bad news:

• We didn't realize buyers were coming to the house already so we had to do a whirlwind cleaning job on the house before they did.
• That evening, TP's car got totalled by an unlicensed, uninsured driver who sped through an intersection, clipped one old lady's car and careened into TP's parked car - crushing the sides and forcing it up onto the sidewalk before it came to a stop thanks to the stone wall and the Jeep in front of it.
• We spent four hours filing the police report on the hit-and-run-and-return (the driver fled because he was scared but shame-facedly returned with his brother, the true owner of the car), and waiting for the tow truck to drag the car's carcass from off of the sidewalk and back onto the street.

Gotta end on a good note:

• We weren't in the car when the accident happened.
• We met a lot of our neighbors.
• When we turned away from the flashing lights of the cop cars, we could see the Cherry Blossom Festival's fireworks downtown.

Sunday:

The good news:

• More realtors and buyers wanted to see the house so we made ourselves scarce by going to the Admo house to water the daffodils, put some books on the shelves, and walk over to our new 'hood for some coffee and fries - breakfast of champs!
• Saw "V for Vendetta" at the Uptown (a lovely old theater which I have not visited in ages) and was pleased by it.
• I got to have a cheese-and-avacado sammich for dinner followed by pretty much a whole pint of Haagen-Dazs Raspberry Sorbet

The bad news:

• I also ate some other leftover foods for dinner which I did not nuke long enough and which returned with a vendetta at midnight in the form of a bout of food poisoning puking.
• The insurance company of the driver's brother refused to tow the car to a lot before they sent out a claims adjuster out . . . some day.
• In reading "Broken Verses," I came across an unforgivable passage where the protaganist "pushed open the door that led out to the balcony and breathed deep the carbon dioxide expelled by the plants around me."

Gotta end on a good note:

• Our new house only has one parking spot in the back so maybe it's just as well we have only one car now.
• One of the potential buyers for the house from the day before returned with her husband and baby for a second look.
• TP impressed me and won a little bit more of my undying love by washing out the garbage can (into which I expelled the contents of my stomach - careful careful! ulti hai!) with not mere soap, but peppermint-scented soap so that the second time around, at least I had a fresh scent to greet me.

Monday:

The good news:

• Lil' Baji and Gunnar got married (just the civil ceremony, folks; the big one is this weekend)!
• I got to talk to KK about books and movies and books.
• I found some inexpensive but cute pregnancy clothing to wear this weekend that has the potential for being post-pregnancy clothing too.

The bad news:

• The tow truck that was supposed to come at noon came at 11:30 instead so TP had to wait another two hours for another truck to come and scrape his car off of our road only to find out that the body shop where the car was to be deposited was run by a freak who, upon seeing the damage to the car, refused to accept it.
• Still no comfy but glittery shoes for the wedding.
• I've gone from an interesting pirate's lurch to a full-on waddle.

Gotta end on a good note:

• With perfect timing, we entered the restaurant where we semi-feted the happy new couple just as the sky turned black and the hail fell down and we left just as it stopped.
• I got my doctor's blessing to attending the wedding after all.
• In a few days, I'll be watching my baby sister get married. Yay!

Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God

I don't know but today seems kinda odd

No barking from the dogs, no smog

And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog

I can't believe, today was a good day

Started the morning by walking outside to a beautiful, sunny, warm spring day. The birds? They were seriously chirping. The sun? Hard core shining. I got onto the Metro and whether it was because I wasn't wearing an belly-concealing coat and scarf or not, this adorable 14 year old looked at me and actually got up and offered me his seat. Yay!

When I got to work and made my trek up the breath-stealing hill, I paused to get my badge out of my bag and an older gentlemen actually got in front of me to hold the door open for me. Yay!

At lunch, I went to the cafeteria and saw the cook pull out a fresh batch of hot, crispy french fries. I grabbed a bunch and sat outside in the sunshine for an hour with my buddies. Yay!

By 4:00, I completed enough work to get a tidy little bonus for the end of the quarter, so I called up TP to make a date. We met at the Cherry Blossoms, had Thai food for dinner, and cuddled on the couch while watching The Office. Yay!

Eight months down, eight weeks to go. In that time, I have to:

• Finish packing up the rest of the clutter in the old house and move (and by "move," I mean point to and order around others to move) it to the new house.
• Get the old house in viewing condition and plant flowers in the front to fool people into thinking that this ghetto fabulous house is more faulous than ghetto.
• Attend a two-day, all-day child-birthing class this weekend at the hospital in order to get acquainted with the digs, to run through the procedure, and, as TP put it, to learn which way of the baby is up.
• Cram in as many overtime hours at work this week to tack onto my maternity leave in May.
• Finish watching The Constant Gardener and The Squid and the Whale before potentially cancelling Netflix since they have me on "the throttle list" but may reconsider when we move and fool them into thinking that we are new customers.
• Go with LB to the salon to get our brows in wedding-day-condition and hope that they don't get jacked up.
• Watch season one of Lost on dee-wee-dee.
• Pay taxes, bills, real estate agent, and movers.
• Participate in LB's civil wedding in town to be followed by LB's religious wedding back home.
• Turn in some schedule at work detailing my time off: vacation, sick, compensatory, maternity (without pay - stupid government), and possibly FMLA (also without pay - stupid government).
• Contacting everyone and everything to alert them to our change of address.
• Set up some sort of internet and/or cable connection at the new house.
• Try to jam a queen-sized bed into a full-sized room for when Mom and Dad come to stay with us.
• Organize the baby's stuff which, as of now, takes up most of the upper level of the new house.
• Oh yeah, and that other stuff: laundry, groceries, eat, sleep, work, play . . .

*thunk*

Avast! With all the goings-on above, I didn't find out about this until too late. Shiver me timbers!

Mabrook Madness!

• To Sensai Sanchez on the birth of her adorable baby boy - may they both be happy, healthy, and hankerin' for ice cream
• To Najm on his engagement to a wonderful, wacky woman - may they both live close to me so they can babysit and have savage night at a moment's notice
• To LB and Gunnar on their upcoming nuptials - may they both live close to me (see above) and bring me back something rockin' from Italy
• To TP on his new house - may it be filled with happiness and harmony
• To the wee one for turning around and facing the right direction - may you come into a world of light and laughter
• NEW ADDITION: To Sufisticate for tricking some sucker into marrying him - may you find a good job in DC (note, VA does not = DC) and (see above).

This time last year, I was kickin' it in Finland (and by "Finland," I mean the Embassy of Finland). This year, TP's function was held at the Canadian Embassy. Not only were there no pony chairs upon which to sit, no fancy spread, and no dessert, the place strongly resembled a high school gymnasium, sans basketball nets and teen sweat. And here I was all set to try out some poutine - described here as repulsive and delicious. Well, Canucks? What say you?

Moving Day Reprisal

I'm too sleepy, back-achey, and stuffed up to write any pseudo-poetry this time, but rest assured, packing days have begun again and it has its joys (finally get to throw away some stuff) and its pains (trying not to lift any heavy boxes and let my crew do the heavy work, but it's in the way!). With the warm weather and sunshine comes the nefarious pollen to join forces with the evil dust to destroy me. That's one less tissue box we have to move because I've run right through it.

Still, it's such a relief knowing that our days in CoHi (where we are bookended by liquor stores) are numbered and we are moving back to AdMo (where we might be around the corner from a coming-soon Harris Teeters). It's also immensely satisfying to clutter up the new house with all of the luggage (filled with summer clothes), the books (to be arranged on the bookcases when they arrive), and the baby shower gear (which can take up an entire room by itself). We are leaving the heavy items - beds, dressers, couches - for the movers (and maybe Najm) for when we sell our OTHER house (look at me, Miss Moneybags with TWO houses in DC). Thanks for all of your help, LB and Gunnar. Two Amys tonight on me. Oops, closed because of a water main break.

Make that Cactus Cantina. Twenty minute wait just to get a beeper?

Nope, how about Cafe Deluxe? Closed.

Try Again. Angelico's? Closed.

Head back to Cleveland Park then. Indique? 30 minute wait. On a rainy Sunday night.

Sixth time's a charm. Alero's it is.

Happy Birthday, Cybermom!

To celebrate your birthday, we took a half day off from work, bought a house, and took your cousin out to dinner for *his* birthday! Hope you had a wonderful day. :)

The Good: Mom's home cookin', finding fancy clothes that fit me, listening to Nanaji's classic rambles (whether directly by him or by someone else imitating him), seeing the family, and joining in on destroying the Godiva Tower all weekend long.

The Bad: Going from the airport shuttle to the airplane only to turn around and be sent back to the airport because the plane had no power, waiting around for an hour, and getting called back to board the allegedly powered up plane at the time about which we were supposed to have landed.

The Ugly: My feet swelling up to unbeliewable proportions from the party high heels and my fingernails chopped and roont because the jackhole at L.A. Nails mixed up "French Manicure" for "French Tips."

Ooh-wee-ooh-wee-ooooooohhhh (wah wah wah) . . .

I guess it has been two years since the last time because I was once again summoned for jury duty. I just got back from spending eight boring hours at the courthouse and the only thing I have to show for it is a measly $4.00 for transportation reimbursement. Well, $4.00 and a few highlights:

• On my way to my car, I began the day by being approached by a huffing and puffing Salvadoran woman toting a vacuum cleaner and bucket of cleaning supplies and asking me "wheech way to EEErving?" When I finally understood she meant "Irving Street," and pointed up the hill and mentioned "a few blocks up," her face just crumpled in misery. She explained that she was supposed to clean someone's house and, instinctively, I asked, "do you want me to give you a ride?" She gratefully accepted and we spent the next few minutes getting her supplies into the trunk and discussing along the way, "ooh, how far!" and "ooh, it's so cold!"
• On my way to the courthouse, I stopped for a cup of hot chocolate which was a brilliant idea on my part because when I got to the courthouse, the line to get through security was going out of the door. I was probably 30th in the slow-moving line and did I mention how "ooh, it's so cold" today?
• In the jury room, I sat by the filmy window to enjoy what little sun there was to enjoy while the clerk popped in part 8 of Ken Burn's 9-part series, "The Civil War." I listened to (of course) Morgan Freeman narrate parts of the tale while I gazed outside at the traffic and peds. Why, I asked myself, did that cabbie just double park, get out of his cab, unbuckle his belt to tuck in his shirt, rezip and rebuckle right out on the street before making an illegal U-turn through traffic? Oh yeah. DC.
• At lunch, I grabbed a sammich from Cosi and ate it in the dismal courthouse cafeteria because there was nary a spot to sit at the restaurant.
• Back in the jury room, the clerk read out a list of people who had not checked in. One old man raised his hand and asked why he was not on the list. The clerk explained that he wasn't on the list because he had checked in. He raised his voice and angrily announced, "but I want to be checked out!" I, along with my fellow jurors, was astounded to hear him then rant: "I am 72 years old! I'm sick! I am no small chicken! Why do I have to keep coming here? I was evil when I was young! I am more evil now! I am worse than the devil! The Bible says 'judge not lest ye be judged' so I can't judge nobody! Where is my check?" After he was asked to step outside, the room was filled with nervous laughter and jokes. Best among them: "Where do you think he went to lunch?" "According to Charlie Daniels, The Devil Went Down to Fuddruckers."
• At 2:30, another batch of jurors left to perform their civic duty but I was among those who had to remain until the last judge decided whether or not he needed a jury. To pacify us, the clerk popped in part 9 of "The Civil War." We just got to an interesting part about someone accusing a politician of dressing in women's clothing when the last of us were called. Alas and alack, I was among them.
• After sitting through THE most inefficient voir dire in a hot, stuffy room, only half of the jurors had been interviewed and it was nearing 5:00 p.m. When the court reporter came out of the secret room and by her mere presence implied that we might be getting let go, the pens began clicking throughout the rows like crickets coming out at dusk and legs began bouncing as though everyone was engaging in traditional Greek grape-stomping activities. Rather than keep us for another hour or call us back tomorrow, the judge let us all go and NOBODY was chosen in the end.
• I trudged back upstairs to claim my $4.00 and get the proof that I served. Hopefully, it will be longer than another two years before they come knocking on my door again. And now, I sleep.

Item No. 1: I know it's tomorrow, but Happy Birthday, H-Biddy!!! Can't wait to see you in April (or maybe sooner?) and can't wait for you to see me and mah bellay. Here's your prezzie.

Item No. 2: Extry, extry, read all about it! Article written by my cousin flexing his writing chops on the subject of the Danish cartoons.

Item No. 3: Gojira, you have no idea how lucky you are. It looks like the fierce wind blew open the neighbor's gate again and now there are no dogs to be seen or, more importantly, to be heard. Ye'll sleep well tonight, lassie.

Item No. 4: Happy bridal shower, LB! Mmmmm, Lebanese Taverna.

Holy Krakatoa! I fainted on the Metro today! I was sitting there, minding my own beeswax, reading the Post Express, when a wave of dizziness and heat overcame me. I took off my scarf, unbuttoned my coat, and leaned forward but could not get comfortable or shake the pretty spirals and bursts of black from my eyes. As we approached the next station, I waited for the train to come to a stop and planned to get out and lay down somewhere (I wasn't going to be picky). I leaned my head against the window as the train slowed down and the next thing I knew, I was at the airport. I was only out for about 3 minutes or less, but it was crazy trying to come out of it: like a swimmer struggling to break the surface of water above. By the time I lifted my heavy eyelids and looked around, I realized I was still on the train. In the brief but unexciting interim, I had traveled one whole stop, dropped my umbrella, and cooled off. So, like any typical daughter-of-a-doctor (flashback of me running out of my room with four of my toes clearing the door jamb and my pinkie toe staying behind and Dad telling me that my pinkie toe was only bruised even though it was clearly pointing in a completely perpendicular position with my other toes), I rested for a bit and then continued on to work.

No worries (*looks pointedly in cybermom's direction*), I'm totally fine. LB made me call the doctor's office to make sure it was nothing severe (it wasn't) and I did some research on my own (looks like the combo of being slightly anemic, being over-layered, and possibly not eating enough was the culprit). There's nothing to be concerned about but it was certainly a surprise. I haven't fainted in quite a while and I forgot how out-of-body-like an experience it was. Other times include, but are not limited to, fainting at Hajj right on my face, fainting in a movie theater during a midnight screening right in a filthy college bathroom, and fainting in the hospital pre-appendectomy. Good times. Good times.

I went for my monthly doctor's appointment last week and everything is ship shape. After waiting for half an hour, I had to take a glucose screening test which involved me guzzling down a small bottle of sugary liquid (mine was fruit punch flavored) in under five minutes and then sitting around for an hour (reading, sighing, and surreptiously glancing over to compare belly sizes of my fellow waiting room denizens) before getting my blood drawn to see how well my body processes sugar. Clearly, these people do not know that one of the few things I can do well is process sugar:





mmmmmm . . . doughnuts.

(via upyernoz.)

If you want to see yourself as a Simpsons character, go here. If you want to see TP as a Simpsons character, go here.

I've lived in DC or thereabouts for 10 years now and am a veteran Metro rider. I've done the early morning long haul from Shady Grove to Capital South (where the driver would sing "DU-pont CIRRRRcle!" every time we reached that stop), the crowded briefcase-and-newspapers-open-wide-obstacle course from Cleveland Park to McPherson Square (where I would walk by the White House every morning on my way to work), the short stint from Woodley Park to Bethesda (and that hella long flight of escalators), and the current 45 minute trek from U Street to King Street (where at least I get a view of the beautiful Potomac River every morning and evening). But never, NEVER, have I had someone fall on me. I mean FALL RIGHT ONTO ME. Until the other day.

An older woman boarded the train and passed up some very choice empty seats before deciding that she wanted to sit right next to me. Laden down with a designer purse, an umbrella, and an enormous duffle bag that was about 2/3rds her own size, she slowly made her way down the aisle. She started to arrange herself before sitting down but then the train lurched forward and she lurched backwards - right into my lap, which was already full with my own bag, my book, and my belly. She apologized profusely and I automatically forgave her, but seriously, people, when you get on the train and see an empty seat, take it. I know you want to sit right next to me, but you can admire me from afar too. In fact, that's an even better view! I need to start commuting with a dummy just to avoid getting crushed.

Got tagged by Professor Ushi:

UNIQUE
1. Nervous habits : biting the inside of my cheeks
2. Are you double-jointed? No so much double as possibly missing a joint in my thumbs
3. Can you roll our tongue? Aye
4. Can you raise one eye brow at a time? The left moreso than the right.
5. Can you blow spit bubbles? I could at one time but haven't tried it lately.
6. Can you cross your eyes? Yes, and I can also freakily uncross one eye slowly while the other eye remains noseward. I think I learned that from my grandfather.
7. Tattoos? No
8. Piercings? Yes
9. Do you make your bed daily? Kinda

CLOTHES
10. Which shoe goes on first? Right
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? Not to my recollection
12. On an average, how much money do you carry? Why, are you planning to jack me?
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? Wedding, engagement, and ear rings.
14. Favourite piece of clothing? Pajamas
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl
16. Have you ever eaten spam? No, but I know the Monty Python song dedicated to it by heart
17. Do you use extra salt on your food? No, my Dad would kill me.
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? One - Honey Bunches of Goats.
20. What's your favourite fastfood restaurant/chain? Chipotle.
21. Do you cook? Aye

GROOMING
22. How often do you brush your teeth? Twice a day
23. Hair drying method? Towel and then air dry
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? No - man, my answers are boring.

MANNERS
25. Do you ever swear? Rarely - I like to make up my own swear words
26. Do you ever spit? When the occassion warrants it

FAVOURITE
27. Animal - Robot pirate monkeys.
28. Food - Yes
29. Month - September
30. Day - Thursday because the next day is Friday followed by the weekend
31. Cartoon - Yes
32. Shoe brand - Ecco
33. Subject in school - English
34. Color - Black
35. Sport - Power-napping
36. TV shows - Yes
37. Things to do in the spring - Go for walks and admire the bloomage.
38. Things to do in the summer - Travel
39.Things to do in the fall - Bust out the sweaters but not the coats
40. Things to do in the winter - Get validation from the news that it's a snow day
41. In the CD player - Electric Version by The New Pornographers
42. Person you talk most on the phone with - Three-way tie among LB, TP, and Mom
43. Reading - Currently: Fargo Rock City by Chuck Klosterman.
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows/mirrors? No
45. What color is your bedroom? Beige this month; yellow next month.
46. Do you use an alarm clock? Yep, tuned to NPR
47. Window seat or aisle? Window - especially b/c the aisle seat is more prone to accidents (i.e. luggage falling from the overhead compartment and onto your head or shoulders, flight attendants hurtling through the aisles with the metal cart and right into your foot or knee, and tomato juice splashing on to you as it is handed to the window seat patron)
48. What's your sleeping position? I'm like a rotisserie chicken, I spin around and around
49. In hot weather, do you use a blanket? A sheet
50. Do you snore? No
51. Do you sleepwalk? No
52. Do you talk in your sleep? Sometimes while I'm about to fall asleep but someone (*looks in TP's, LB's, and Gojira's direction*) is still talking to me, I'll respond but really I'm asleep and have no idea what I just said.
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No
54. How about with the light on? No
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV/radio on? I can but I don't deliberately do so.
56. Last interesting person you met? I don't meet people

***UPDATE***

The sheer arrogance and gall of this chick astounds me (plus, the lack of her grasp of the difference between "sow" and "sew" is annoying). Welcome to "Lawyers Behaving Badly":

Dear Attorney ______, At this time, I am writing to inform you that I will not be accepting your offer. After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the pay you are offering would neither fulfill me nor support the lifestyle I am living in light of the work I would be doing for you. I have decided instead to work for myself, and reap 100% of the benefits that I sew. Thank you for the interviews.

Dianna _____, Esq.

________________________________________________________

Dianna -

Given that you had two interviews, were offered and accepted the job (indeed, you had a definite start date), I am surprised that you chose an e-mail and a 9:30 PM voicemail message to convey this information to me. It smacks of immaturity and is quite unprofessional. Indeed, I did rely upon your acceptance by ordering stationery and business cards with your name, reformatting a computer and setting up both internal and external e-mails for you here at the office. While I do not quarrel with your reasoning, I am extremely disappointed in the way this played out. I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.

- Will ____

________________________________________________________

A real lawyer would have put the contract into writing and not exercised any such reliance until he did so. Again, thank you.

________________________________________________________

Thank you for the refresher course on contracts. This is not a bar exam question. You need to realize that this is a very small legal community, especially the criminal defense bar. Do you really want to start pissing off more experienced lawyers at this early stage of your career?

________________________________________________________

bla bla bla

Hunker down, kids. Here comes the snow. Good thing we have the following to keep us occupied:

• Watching The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill
• Drinking hot chocolate from the snootiest of snooty places in Paris
• Filling up empty boxes with some books in anticipation of the big move
• e-browsing for baby gear and related accessories
• Periodically checking outside to see if the alleged snow fall will reach the levels of last year
• Responding to e-mails that have been "kept as new" for a week or more
• Taking frequent naps interspersed with some Olympic sports critiques ("Honestly, I don't see what athletic skills the luge requires at all. ZZzzzzzzz").

More excerpts from "Modern Muslim Cooking of Indo-Pakistan" by A. Nisa Bhatti, First Edition 1964:

Sheep's Feet

It is another popular dish of this country. It is delicious and invigorating. It is prepared especially in winter.

Ingredients:
10 sheep's feet
1/3 level teaspoon turmeric powder
2 flakes garlic
2 oz. onion
1/2 oz. ginger
1/4 teaspoon garam masala
1/2 lb. curd
4 oz. ghee
1/2 lb onion

Wash and clean sheep's feet. Scrap [sic] out hair and remove shoes (if not already done) and boil in water adding all the spices except ginger and garam masala till water is dry and feet are tender. Then fry them adding sliced ginger, garam masala and 4 oz. ghee. Again add water (sufficient to cook the feet and gravy required). Let simmer on low heat for two hours till ready. Sprinkle with chopped green coriander, green pepper, garam masala (curry powder) and fried onion slices. Remove from heat after 5 minutes and serve. (sufficient for 6 persons).

Avast! I've been tagged by Wayfarer. And so, without further ado:


Four Jobs I've Had in My Life

1) Census taker for the U.S. Government
2) Volunteer Attorney for the National Audobon Society
3) Cleaning Lady
4) Senior Legal Counsel for Discovery Communications, Inc.

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over, and Have

1) The Shawshank Redemption
2) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
3) This is Spinal Tap
4) The Godfather

and I would add more because making me choose favorite movies is like making me choose a favorite child, but this will have to do for now.

Four Places I Have Lived

1) Merthyr Tydfil, Wales
2) Louisville, KY
3) St. Louis, MO
4) Washington, DC

Four TV Shows I Love To Watch

1) Iron Chef
2) The Office
3) The Daily Show
4) The Simpsons (mostly the early years)

Four Places I Have Been On Vacation

1) Asia
2) Europe
3) Africa
4) Middle East
More you say? Lookee hyah.

Four Websites I Visit Daily

1) Bloglines
2) The Onion
3) Wikipedia
4) DCist

Four Favorite Foods

1) Pakistani
2) Italian
3) Ethiopian
4) Mexican

Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now

1) Hawaii
2) Italy
3) In my comfy bed
4) In my new house

Four People Whom I Tag Next

1) Chai
2) Gojira
3) Sanchez
4) Yasminay

Ladies and gentlemen! Kids of all ages! Get yer du'as in now, now, NOW, for us to live a happy, healthy, harmonious life in this hyah house:


Front Room (note, none of this stuff is ours)


Dining Room where many a pizza will be et.


Kitchen where many a bucket o' ice cream will be stored and perhaps et.


Stairs that go both up AND down.


Bedroom where many a nap will be taken.

I don't know how many of you take public transportation on a daily basis, but for those of you who do, allow me to share this brilliant gem that just made my day:

Metrobus Seat Hog Gets a Lift
By John Kelly

Thursday, January 26, 2006; Page C09

"It was like a movie scene."
That's how a reader I will call Bert described an incident he witnessed on the 34 Metrobus in Georgetown last week.

A guy was sitting in the middle of a two-person bench seat, refusing all requests to scoot over and allow someone else to sit down.

"Everybody here paid $1.25," said one irritated passenger. "Why should you have two seats?"
This went on for a while -- the fellow lounging, the pressure building -- until a particularly large passenger decided to settle things. When the bus came to a stop, he grabbed the seated man, lifted him up and threw him unceremoniously out the rear door.

(I love it when people are thrown unceremoniously. Has anyone ever been thrown ceremoniously, I mean besides the occasional virgin into a volcano?)

Bert's fellow passengers were stunned. "It was like urban jungle justice," Bert said. On the one hand, the cad had received a deserved comeuppance. On the other hand, something very close to an assault had just taken place.

The ejected passenger did not take his ejection lying down. He suddenly popped up in front of the bus , blocking its path. He was like that Chinese guy who stood in front of a tank in Tiananmen Square, except instead of being a lone protester bravely defying authoritarian rule, he was a little seat-hogging jerk who was keeping everyone from getting home. Bert hopped off and got on another bus. So did all the other passengers. By the time Metro Transit Police arrived, the bus-blocker had fled.

"We don't know whatever happened to him," said Metro's Cathy Asato.

Wagamama is opening a new store in Copenhagen this spring. Where was it when WE were there? And why the Shaq is there no Wagamama in the U.S.? *weeps bitter tears*

ps - happy b-day, ye scurvy, swill-eatin' blackguard, gojira! *mwah*

This had me and my co-workers laughing so hard that tears were coming out of our eyes and our tummies hurt. As though we had been roundhouse-kicked in the gut.

When one is pregnant, one has a tendency to walk and stand with horrible posture. This, in turn, leads to back aches and sleepless nights. In an effort to avoid that, I've been trying to keep my back straight and my head up - which is no easy feat when you are trying to avoid the chilly driving rain slithering down your neck or the blast of cold wind slapping your cheeks. So, back straight, head up, I was in the shower yesterday and came to the startling realization that when I cast my eyes down, the mountain of my belly obscured the view of my feet. I presume they are still there. I even have photographic evidence that they, at one time, existed. I'm looking forward to making their acquaintence again. Oh yeah, and to see my wee one too! Bonus!

One down, two to go

This weekend has been incredibly windy. The National Weather Service even issued an advisory regarding the 50 MPH winds that are toppling trees, powerlines, and small children. But that's not all, folks!

Yesterday afternoon, the gusts were so strong that it ripped our crackheaded (literarily) neighbor's fence clean off the lock. Those mongrels? The banes of my existence? The filthy rags on paws who might be good if only the owners would show them some love, some soap and water, and some inside time at night? They were free. Uriah Heep was the first to bound outside and roll around in the grass (maybe for the first, maybe for the last, time). Darnell Wookieboots followed and after a few moments of stunned joy, began marking the ever car's tires and every house's fences. Cindy Lou, the mildest and perhaps most brainless of them all, stayed on the porch the whole time. Uriah found a man walking down the alley and in sheer happiness began circling him, jumping up on him (he could only reach his knees), and wagging his tail as fiercely as he could. Darnell ventured farther up the alley until we (looking on from the upstairs window) lost sight of him.

I had to attend a baby shower but when I returned, I got the full report: Darnell could not resist the enticing smells of the rotten garbage that had tipped over when our neighbor's fence slammed into the trash cans and knocked them over. He feasted and feasted until one of the neighbors figured out what was going on and dragged him back to the backyard and tied up the fence with some rope. Cindy did nothing, said nothing, and probably realized nothing. Uriah? Your guess is as good as mine. He may be frozen stiff and will thaw out in the spring. He may be still leaping and circling that stranger. He may have made it to Rock Creek Park and will live in paradise for the rest of his days. All I know is: one down.

Well, that, and this video rocks.

So it's come to this. There are a few bands playing this month and next that TP and I would like to see but until the smoking ban is instituted in D.C., I can't go. Instead, we spend our time doing things like watching seriously disturbed and disturbing Netflix movies, catching up on our reading, and spending no less than FIVE WHOLE MINUTES in the soy sauce aisle at the Asian grocery store. Nevermind that it's Restaurant Week in D.C. and we could be out on the town. But, I'm not complaining. My mouth is too full of Pocky Sticks.

Hear ye, hear ye. The results are in. Henceforth, ye shall refer to the wee one as MISTER baby robot pirate monkey, thank you very much. And, apparently, like father, like son: TP came home yesterday with a busted lip from his Hi-Yah! class and lately, the baby has taken up Hi-Yah! classes as well - especially right when I'm trying to snooze. Ah me. Now where did I put my mouthguard?

On tap for tonight: The Unwanted Woman.
Genre: Another one of those wacky Iranian films.
Cost: Free.
Place: The Freer.

As though the physical, emotional, and dietary changes aren't enough, it looks like my reading habits are undergoing a makeover as well. I got halfway through "The Shipping News" before E. Annie Proulx's curt writing style grated on my nerves and I put it away. I'm going to fall back onto some tried and true reading for now - J. D. Salinger, David Sedaris, William Goldman - but as for new books? Looks like "Eats, Poops & Leaves" is looming large in my future. Ah me.

Year in Movie Review:

1. The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou. B - Imaginative and droll, but not as good as Rushmore/Tenenbaums
2. Napoleon Dynamite. A - Friendlier version of Welcome to the Dollhouse
3. In Good Company. F - Please fire me
4. Fear and Trembling. A - Whimsical, masochistic, twisted, and hilarious
5. Shark Tale. A - Even if the plot was mediocre, the jokes and pop culture references were great
6. Sideways. C - Pretentious meandering flick with hints of strawberry cliches and oaky lameness
7. Million Dollar Baby. A - Poignant, violent, and sweet; what more could you ask for?
8. Donnie Darko, Director's Cut. A - Cult classic still as bizarre but much more accessible especially with the commentary
9. Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter ... and Spring. A - Lyrical storyline and lovely imagery
10. Vanity Fair. D - Stick to Bollywood with an English slants rather than the other way around
11. The Canary. B - Heavy-handed view of palestine via typical iranian storytelling (children, metaphors, striking images)
12. Hamoon. C - Atypical Iranian film with grating Felliniesque dream sequences and uninteresting characters
13. Maria Full of Grace. B - Glorified after-school special but with realistic plot and good acting
14. Battle of Algiers. B – Jarring but realistic
15. The Grudge. D - Liked it better the first time I saw it when it was called The Ring
16. Wimbeldon. C - meh
17. You Got Served. B - Good dance sequences but I liked it better the first time I saw it when it was called Bring It On
18. The Motorcycle Diaries. B - Road trip movie of a hisotrical figure with scenery so beautiful it makes me want to get a ticket and go.
19. Dodgeball. D - Might have worked as a half-hour short, but feature length underdogs-fighting-to-win-children's-sport just didn't cut it.
20. Monseiur Ibrahim. C - Teenaged Jewish boy befriends older Muslim man and several French hookers with the cliched hearts of gold; could have been so much better.
21. Big Fish. C - Much as I like Tim Burton and Ewan McGregor, this was just a string of not-so-tall-tales with no real substance or lesson.
22. The Yes Men. B - Fearless activists impersonate WTO members in international conferences with hilarious speeches and shocking behavior; more hands-on but less serious than Farenheit 9/11.
23. Manhattan. B - Woody Allen doing that thing he does in portraying the fast-talking, free-thinking, radical New Yorkers.
24. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. A - I saw this one year ago today and the second viewing of Charlie Kaufman's maze of wonders is even better than the first.
25. Eurotrip. D - The things we watch while waiting for the laundry to be done; only funny scene was the slo-mo kung-fu robot fight.
26. The Big Tease. D - Silly story of an underdog Scottish hairdresser trying to make it big in the L.A. Platinum Scissors Competition; only thing saving it from an F was Craig Ferguson's accent.
27. Closer. C - Shallow examination of the tangled webs we weave when first we practice to decieve; plus, Clive Owen.
28. Sin City. C - Stylish, shocking, and stunning in all of its over-the-top, graphically violent, film noir glory (how many mutilations can one movie hold?); fascinating at first, then repetitive gore. Can't say I know anyone to whom I recommend it.
29. Control Room. B - A vivid, eye-opening documentary of the people and events linked to Al-Jazeera's control room during 2 months of the Iraqi war.
30. Lavendar Hill Mob. B - Alec Guiness = Genuine Class - especially when he plays the upright, meticulous, genteel, nerdy mob boss.
31. Rabbit Proof Fence. A - A true account of the harrowing journey three "half-caste" Aboriginal orphans made across Australia to return home.
32. Solaris. C - More like Snorealis.
33. Taste of Cherry. A - Slow-moving, thoughtful Iranian movie about a man contemplating, and looking for someone to assist him in, suicide.
34. Hotel Rwanda. A
35. House of Flying Daggers. A - Swords and ballet, flying sleeves and daggers, love triangles and beautiful scenery.
36. Assassination of Richard Nixon. B Based on a true story, Sean Penn does a good impression of a browbeaten Lundegaardesque (Fargo) shlub who just can't stand The Man bringing him down.
37. Life and Death of Peter Sellers. C - I'll stick to the real Sellers material even though I do like Geoffery Rush.
38. Bad Education. A - Gordian, graphic, and Gael Garcia = interesting mix.
39. Goodbye Lenin. C
40. Word Wars. B Documentary on the quixotic world of Scrabble competitions.
41. Burn to Shine. A - Cool compilation of DC rock performers (Q and not U, Bob Mould, The Evens, etc.) performing in a house that will be burned down and demolished.
42. The Russains Are Coming. C - Don't know how this won some Oscars, but it wasn't nearly as amazing as 'Dr. Strangelove'.
43. Kontroll. A - Brilliant and innovative drama of the lives of the Hungarian underground metro ticket inspectors; funny, dramatic, and clever with a pulsing, throbbing soundtrack.
44. National Treasure. C - Adult version of School House Rock without the catchy tunes.
45. Batman Begins. B - Darker, better installment that explains the history behind the 'hero'.
46. Dirty Pretty Things. C - Good beginning but then slipped into the contrived.
47. Veer Zara. B - Interesting take on the youth of Indo-Pak not holding their ancestor's grudges but dang, that's a long flick.
48. Kung-fu Hustle. A - Loved it in all its hi-yah, slap-sticky, outrageous, over-the-top, silly, cartoony goodness.
49. Rashoman. A
50. Metropolis. B
51. A Very Long Engagement. B
52. Devdas. C
53. Lolita. B
54. Broken Flowers. B - Lost in Translation in middle America.
55. Macbeth. A/B - Ian and Judi are brilliant in this film version of their RSC stage production but I don't think I could sit through another viewing anytime soon.
56. Taming of the Shrew. C - John Cleese was excellent in his role but everyone else was not.
57. Layer Cake. B - British gangster movie with a little bit of "Lock Stock" and a little bit of "Sexy Beast".
58. Born Into Brothels. A - Child photographers use the streets of an Indian red light district as their amazing canvas.
59. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. C - Although I only saw 4 of the 6 installments, even Alec Guiness's melodious voice could not convince me to sit through the rest of the plodding plot.
60. Crash. A - Despite the cliches (yes, we are all complicated and have a little bit of bad and a little bit of good in us - but mostly bad), it was an arresting, disturbing, upsetting film about relations: race, gender, political, you name it.
61. Mighty Aphrodite. C - Not one of Woody Allen's best attempts.
62. Throne of Blood. A - Great take on "MacBeth" but I still like the "Scotland, PA" version best.
63. Superman. D - I had no idea how horrible this movie was until I heard Margot Kidder's voice-over poetry.
64. Triplets of Belleville. A - Despite some of the gross frog-cuisine scenes, quite enjoyable.
65. Fog of War. A - Educational and eye-opening.
66. Central Station. A - Interesting Brazilian movie with unlikeable characters that still get you to root for them.
67. Freaks & Geeks. A - Can't believe I never watched this show when it was on TV.
68. Fantastic Four. C - Not the best of the Marvel comics genre flicks but better than Daredevil.
69. Sky High. B - Kinda cute
70. Serenity. A - Oh, how I miss Joss
71. Nobody Knows. B - Insider's view of the poor side of Tokyo and quite upsetting. *shakes fist at gojira*
72. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. B - Good empty-headed summer flick.
73. Dot the I. D - Incredibly predictable and poorly done.
74. Capturing the Friedmans. B - Bizarre documentary about a father-and-son molestation scandal in NY.
75. Ray. B - Gotta say, Jamie can sing.
76. Mad Hot Ballroom. A - Heart-warming documentary about inner city children learning to move gracefully across the dance floor in high competition.
77. The Wicker Man. D - Freaky freaky movie. *shakes fist at upyernoz*
78. Constantine. B - Matrix + Dogma = not too shabby
79. All Quiet on the Western Front. D - So quiet that I fell asleep. *shakes fist at TP*
80. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. C - Not as good as the book; meh.
81. Story of the Weeping Camel. A - Adorable story about the ugly duckling . . . er . . . baby camel. awwww.
82. Trekkies. B - Scary that I actually recognized the actors, characters, and plots discussed by the avid AVID Star Trek fans. Black Clustah.
83. Wallace and Gromit The Curse of the Wererabbit. A - Cheese! I love cheese!

I'm sure there are more, but I can't remember them now. Will update. Some day. Happy New Year, Y'all!

I got an email from the President. Jealous?


To all DOC employees

President Bush sends the following Holiday Message to the Employees of the Federal Government:

"I send greetings to all Federal employees and your families as you celebrate this holiday season.

Federal service is a high calling and an expression of responsible citizenship. By working to improve lives, advance prosperity, and protect our homeland, you strengthen our country and help many realize the promise of America. Your spirit of professionalism and dedication reflects the best of our society and contributes to the success of our great Nation.

Laura and I send our best wishes to you and your loved ones during this season of hope and joy. May God bless you, and may God continue to bless America."

Signed George W. Bush

Highlights of this weekend

• Met up with my friends from Tunis/Paris at the see-and-be-seen Cafe Milano for some good food at some outrageous prices.
• Revisited this Korean restaurant run by this crazy Korean woman ("You eat! Is good for you!") somewhere between DC and North Carolina where, upon seeing me and confirming my pregnancy by raising her eyebrows and patting her stomach and nodding, confidently predicted that we'll be having a boy.
• Wished Dad a happy birthday with both of us singing a hideously off-key version of "Happy Birthday" - you know, that homemade Pakistani kind?
• Spent Christmas morning sunning myself on the deck of TP's parent's house and basking in the 60 degree weather.
• Made out like a bandit on baby-related paraphenalia.
• Bade adieu to my parents as they made their way to Pakistan.

As of today, it looks like the house is ours again. That's not to say that the story may change any time between now and the closing date - December 29th. It's been a frustrating few weeks. First, we had to negotiate the price. When the seller grudgingly accepted our low-ball offer (which was pathetic in his eyes, but completely valid in today's real estate market), we had the home inspection. When we discovered that they had lied about the age of the roof and that the roof, the columns, the plumbing, and the electrical needed repairs, we had to negotiate who was going to pay for what. Thursday night, we were ready to walk away. Friday morning, a new deal was struck. Friday night, they threatened to walk away. Saturday morning, they came running back and signed the paperwork. Saturday afternoon, they held an open house. Sunday night, they officially told the world that the house was now under contract. So. Um. Stay tuned? I'll let you know whether I need you guys to come over and help us pack or come over and help us comb through the real estate sections of the newspaper.

UPDATE - No house. Termite damage. Major termite damage. $50,000 to $60,000 worth. Walk away. Walk quickly away.

Gone are the days that I would attempt to do a cartwheel on the living room sofa. Been a long time since I've jumped through a hoop made out of my own arms. I've come to terms with that. But I've always been a good walker. I hate running (the only time I can justify it is if I am chasing after something like a ball or a child or if someone is chasing after me), but I can walk until my shoes wear down. Long, purposeful steps. Ground-eating strides. Quick, bouncy lopes. No more.

Thanks to my lil' pirate, I've developed a pain where my left leg meets the rest of my body. Apparently, my ligaments are growing to support the scurvy sea-dog. So I've become even more pirate-like than ever: I have to walk favoring my right leg which makes me look like I'm pacing the deck of a ship with an uneven keel - almost as though my left leg has turned into a peg leg; I yelp out, "ARRRR!" when I have to rise from a sitting position, get out of bed, or get out of the tub; and blimey, I could nae more do a jig to save me life. To all of those who used to trail behind me as I out-paced them, I say Godspeed! (ye lousy landlubbers.)

PANDI'S 'PINIONS

The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsover: Pretty crackin' good yarn about a family of well-meaning but ill-prepared Baptists plunked down in the Congo. The travelogue portion, of course, I love. The insight into each character's behavior and thoughts I found intriguing. Plus, it's practically four-books-in-one!

Mad Hot Ballroom: Captivating to watch a group of tough inner-city children move with such adult grace as they whirl and twirl each other around the ballroom in a dancing competition. Picture Spellbound plus Strictly Ballroom.

Matador at Fifteen: Did I mention this already? Good tunes and lots of 'em. Plus, an extra CD. Plus, a DVD. Plus, liner notes that include hate mail received by the company.

Bah, put away the lemonade. Store the lawn mower. The house is not ours. We had a home inspection done (word to the wise - always get one) and found that the sellers lied about the age of the roof (zero to five years my arse!) and that the house had all sorts of plumbing, electrical, and potential foundation issues. We tried to be reasonable and negotiate with the seller to get them to pay for part of the repairs, but greedy bastages that they are, they refused. So we refused. So it's back to square one. So set the mousetraps, get out the snipery squirt-the-dog gun, and ignore the sirens - looks like we are here to stay for a bit longer.

Monopoly for Asians in the UK



Desi Monopoly is a new special edition board-games celebrating Indians, Pakastanis and other Asians living in the UK; the properties are a mix of Indian icons (famous train stations, the Taj) and Asian neigbourhoods in Britain. Link

via gunnar.

What kind of cards will they have?

• "You have won a beauty contest because you are tall and fair and have green eyes, natural or not. Collect 50 rupees."
• "Take a ride on the Reading Rickshaw"
• "Go to jail. Go directly to jail. But bribe someone and get out of jail free."
• "You have won an eating contest. Collect 50 gulab jamens."

Science!

Science, again!! I said 'Science' again!

Your baby weighs about 5 ounces now, and is around 5 inches long - about the size of a large onion. The baby can move his/her joints, and the skeleton - until now rubbery cartilage - is starting to harden to bone. The sense of hearing is also developing.

Time to bust out some tunes. Suggestions?

No more sushi.
No more coffee.
No more feta, brie, or manchego.
No more than five straight hours of sleep.
No more belts.
No more sleeping on my tummy.
No more junk food.
No more staying up past 9 p.m.
And now, with this season's first snow fall, no more brisk-paced/mad dashes across slippery and slushy walkways to catch the approaching Metro.

Baby is not even born yet and he/she is already in time-out.

So TP and I have been house-hunting (which is different from, but related to, mouse-hunting) lately. And it looks like we may have a winner. Everyone put your du'as in now while it's hot hot hot!

Un. Be. Lieveable. We've been home for four days and in that time, we've caught four mice. That's a mouse a day! At this rate, we're looking at a very Sisyphean winter. Perhaps we should boil their little mouse heads, remove the skin, and display the skulls at mouse-eye-level to serve as a warning to other mice to leave us alone. Nah, too much work. Mouseheads on pikes is much easier.

Ahoy, lads and lassies! We're back. This was the first Thanksgiving spent away from home. It was different but still lovely. Different in that we didn't have anywhere from 20 ("oh, you know, just the family") to 100 people ("well, we just invited a few of our friends") to host, socialize with, feed, and clean up after. Our usual Thanksgiving weekend schedule consists of Mom getting up at an ungodly hour and starting the turkey while the rest of us gradually awaken and get assigned various chores and tasks. Take out the extra chairs! Set the table! Make those puff pastry thingies! Then, the guests begin streaming in. This time, I actually got to sit down and eat my turkey and 'taters and fixin's without having to leap up to offer someone my seat or refill a glass. I missed sharing the weekend with the BIG family (i.e. aunts, uncles, cousins, and all of those close friends whom we've pretty much adopted or absorbed into the family too), but I was happy to be with the core four (now five).

The day after T-day was usually spent doing several loads of dish-washing, laundry-washing, and floor-washing. This time, Mom, Dad, and LB braved Black Friday and hit the mall for new tires (which came with a $50 gift certificate, yay Sears!) and a new TV (which we didn't get, stupid Sears!), while TP and I worked on some home improvements and went for a stroll around the golf course to lounge around by the club house pool and then scare off the cowardly neighborhood alligator sunning himself on the banks of the nearby pond. In the afternoon, instead of continuing the clean-up project or shivering our way to the stores in frigid winter weather, we went to Venice Beach. It was a little disconcerting to spend the end of November in balmy 80 degree weather, walking along a sunny path lined with palm trees and live oaks dripping with Spanish moss on our way to beach, but I got used to it pretty quickly. So, that's a recap of our holiday weekend. What did y'all do?

Things learned this weekend:

• no matter how often you tell your husband not to give you his cold, he will disobey.
• the 10 lane Delaware tollbooth narrowing to 2 lanes is the suck in both directions.
• upyernoz lives in an amazing, gargantuan abode with its own mudroom, monkeyroom, and gameroom.
• I thought only Tetris had this ability, but Settlers of Catan invaded my dreams after only a single game.
• our little peanut is growing and is now the size of a lemon.
• T-minus three days until Florida! Yay!

Matador at Fifteen. Good stuff.

Super Soaker Liquidator to aim sniper-like from the second story window and hit the barking neighbor dog. Good stuff.

Chipotle's Veggie Burrito at 1:00 a.m. when some little monster wakes me up craving guacamole. Good stuff.

Like daughter, like mother.

Scene I: Anticipating H-Biddy's arrival, I get on-line to check the flight status and in the corner of my eye, catch her on-line too.

Facsimile of Dialogue:
"Hey! Where are you? What are you doing?"
"Hey, Baji! Oh, you know, just chilling."
"Are you at the airport?"
"What? No, I'm at home."
"WHAT?! Your flight leaves in about half an hour!"
"LOL! Oh, Baji. My flight is tomorrow!"
"Are you sure? Because LB, the Palm Pilot Nazi she is, assured me that you were coming in today."
"Hahahaha, no."
"Well, just go check your ticket anyway."
"Fine, I'll be right back."
-- pause --
"Oh NOOOOOO!!!!!"
End scene.

Scene II: Several years later. Anticipating Literaunty's arrival, I get on-line to check the flight status and discover that rather than ARRIVING at 8:30 p.m. the flight was DEPARTING at 8:30 p.m.

Facsimile of Dialogue:
"Literaunty! Where are you?!"
"Hello, beta, we are in Atlanta! Our flight is about to leave in twenty minutes or so."
-- pause --
"Did I tell you that we were arriving at 8:30?"
"YES! We were almost on our way to pick you up and I came to check if the flight was delayed or not and found out it hasn't even taken off yet!"
"Oh, I suspected that I told you the wrong information, but then I thought since I gave you the flight information, you would figure it out."
"Oh, Aunty, you are just as bad as H-Biddy. But at least you were only 2 hours off instead of 24 hours off."

Like son, like father.

Scene III: Sitting around the dinner table, engaging in some gup-shup, Izbot contributes.

Facsimile of Monologue:

"Have you seen that Spongebob where he thinks that Plankton is only evil and trying to steal Krabby-patties because he doesn't have any friends? So he tries to be his friend and then Spongebob finds out that Plankton doesn't even know what the word "FUN" means? So he starts to sing this song to explain it to him? And it goes, "F is for Friends who do stuff together. U is for You and meeeee. N is for Anywhere and anytime at all down here in the deep blue sea"? But then Plankton messes it up and says, "F is for Fire that burns down the whole town. U is for URANIUM...BOMBS! . . . . "

Scene IV: Sitting around the breakfast table, engaging in some gup-shup, Literuncle contributes.

Facsimile of Monologue:

"Have you seen that Spongebob where SpongeBob says a bad word but instead of the word, all you hear is a loud honk, like "ahhhOOOOgah!" and what is that fellow's name? Hahn, Patrick is shocked and tells him not to say that anymore? But Spongebob can't help himself and he repeats it and Patrick threatens to tell on him but Spongebob bribes him with some ice cream? But then Patrick goes to tell what is that boss's name? Hahn, Krabby. Patrick tries to tell Krabby but Spongebob beats him to it and tells Krabby that Patrick said the bad word and again it is just "HONK!" And Krabby tells that that is one of the 13 bad words they should never say and then when he reads out the list, it's just all "HONK! OOOGAH! BEEP! RAAAHH!!! . . . . "

The good: having Veteran's Day off; TP buying me doughnuts because I casually mentioned that I hadn't had any in ages; a visit from Literaunty and Literuncle; Martinelli's Sparkling Cider; Steve Martin's "diving competition" sketch.

The bad: Netflix delivering "Shaun of the Dead" waaay past the Halloween due date they promised; startled neighbor dogs who are too stupid to figure out where the spray of water comes from when they bark; trying to cook pasta without any electricity; the 30 degrees we'll have tonight.

The ugly: me when I catch some brat neighborhood kids fooling around in pretend fights and slamming into my parked car for fun; the amount of dust on top of the tallest bookcase; the gigantic people on the metro who take up a seat and a half with their girth and bags thereby preventing anyone from sitting in the half-empty seat.

Ooh-wee-ooh-wee-ooooooohhhh (wah wah wah) . . .

Ahoy, lads and lassies! After hitting Home Depot (never-ending house repairs) and IHOP (four kinds of syrup!), this is how I spent my weekend. How about you?

Eid Mubarak, y'all!

Okay, my fellow scrabbie-lovers, literati-junkies, and bibliophiles. Here's your quiz for the day. How many words can you make out of the following letters? Enjoy! Eid Mubarak, evrrrrybody! ("Eid Mubarak, Dr. Nick!")