Year in Movie Review:

1. The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou. B - Imaginative and droll, but not as good as Rushmore/Tenenbaums
2. Napoleon Dynamite. A - Friendlier version of Welcome to the Dollhouse
3. In Good Company. F - Please fire me
4. Fear and Trembling. A - Whimsical, masochistic, twisted, and hilarious
5. Shark Tale. A - Even if the plot was mediocre, the jokes and pop culture references were great
6. Sideways. C - Pretentious meandering flick with hints of strawberry cliches and oaky lameness
7. Million Dollar Baby. A - Poignant, violent, and sweet; what more could you ask for?
8. Donnie Darko, Director's Cut. A - Cult classic still as bizarre but much more accessible especially with the commentary
9. Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter ... and Spring. A - Lyrical storyline and lovely imagery
10. Vanity Fair. D - Stick to Bollywood with an English slants rather than the other way around
11. The Canary. B - Heavy-handed view of palestine via typical iranian storytelling (children, metaphors, striking images)
12. Hamoon. C - Atypical Iranian film with grating Felliniesque dream sequences and uninteresting characters
13. Maria Full of Grace. B - Glorified after-school special but with realistic plot and good acting
14. Battle of Algiers. B – Jarring but realistic
15. The Grudge. D - Liked it better the first time I saw it when it was called The Ring
16. Wimbeldon. C - meh
17. You Got Served. B - Good dance sequences but I liked it better the first time I saw it when it was called Bring It On
18. The Motorcycle Diaries. B - Road trip movie of a hisotrical figure with scenery so beautiful it makes me want to get a ticket and go.
19. Dodgeball. D - Might have worked as a half-hour short, but feature length underdogs-fighting-to-win-children's-sport just didn't cut it.
20. Monseiur Ibrahim. C - Teenaged Jewish boy befriends older Muslim man and several French hookers with the cliched hearts of gold; could have been so much better.
21. Big Fish. C - Much as I like Tim Burton and Ewan McGregor, this was just a string of not-so-tall-tales with no real substance or lesson.
22. The Yes Men. B - Fearless activists impersonate WTO members in international conferences with hilarious speeches and shocking behavior; more hands-on but less serious than Farenheit 9/11.
23. Manhattan. B - Woody Allen doing that thing he does in portraying the fast-talking, free-thinking, radical New Yorkers.
24. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. A - I saw this one year ago today and the second viewing of Charlie Kaufman's maze of wonders is even better than the first.
25. Eurotrip. D - The things we watch while waiting for the laundry to be done; only funny scene was the slo-mo kung-fu robot fight.
26. The Big Tease. D - Silly story of an underdog Scottish hairdresser trying to make it big in the L.A. Platinum Scissors Competition; only thing saving it from an F was Craig Ferguson's accent.
27. Closer. C - Shallow examination of the tangled webs we weave when first we practice to decieve; plus, Clive Owen.
28. Sin City. C - Stylish, shocking, and stunning in all of its over-the-top, graphically violent, film noir glory (how many mutilations can one movie hold?); fascinating at first, then repetitive gore. Can't say I know anyone to whom I recommend it.
29. Control Room. B - A vivid, eye-opening documentary of the people and events linked to Al-Jazeera's control room during 2 months of the Iraqi war.
30. Lavendar Hill Mob. B - Alec Guiness = Genuine Class - especially when he plays the upright, meticulous, genteel, nerdy mob boss.
31. Rabbit Proof Fence. A - A true account of the harrowing journey three "half-caste" Aboriginal orphans made across Australia to return home.
32. Solaris. C - More like Snorealis.
33. Taste of Cherry. A - Slow-moving, thoughtful Iranian movie about a man contemplating, and looking for someone to assist him in, suicide.
34. Hotel Rwanda. A
35. House of Flying Daggers. A - Swords and ballet, flying sleeves and daggers, love triangles and beautiful scenery.
36. Assassination of Richard Nixon. B Based on a true story, Sean Penn does a good impression of a browbeaten Lundegaardesque (Fargo) shlub who just can't stand The Man bringing him down.
37. Life and Death of Peter Sellers. C - I'll stick to the real Sellers material even though I do like Geoffery Rush.
38. Bad Education. A - Gordian, graphic, and Gael Garcia = interesting mix.
39. Goodbye Lenin. C
40. Word Wars. B Documentary on the quixotic world of Scrabble competitions.
41. Burn to Shine. A - Cool compilation of DC rock performers (Q and not U, Bob Mould, The Evens, etc.) performing in a house that will be burned down and demolished.
42. The Russains Are Coming. C - Don't know how this won some Oscars, but it wasn't nearly as amazing as 'Dr. Strangelove'.
43. Kontroll. A - Brilliant and innovative drama of the lives of the Hungarian underground metro ticket inspectors; funny, dramatic, and clever with a pulsing, throbbing soundtrack.
44. National Treasure. C - Adult version of School House Rock without the catchy tunes.
45. Batman Begins. B - Darker, better installment that explains the history behind the 'hero'.
46. Dirty Pretty Things. C - Good beginning but then slipped into the contrived.
47. Veer Zara. B - Interesting take on the youth of Indo-Pak not holding their ancestor's grudges but dang, that's a long flick.
48. Kung-fu Hustle. A - Loved it in all its hi-yah, slap-sticky, outrageous, over-the-top, silly, cartoony goodness.
49. Rashoman. A
50. Metropolis. B
51. A Very Long Engagement. B
52. Devdas. C
53. Lolita. B
54. Broken Flowers. B - Lost in Translation in middle America.
55. Macbeth. A/B - Ian and Judi are brilliant in this film version of their RSC stage production but I don't think I could sit through another viewing anytime soon.
56. Taming of the Shrew. C - John Cleese was excellent in his role but everyone else was not.
57. Layer Cake. B - British gangster movie with a little bit of "Lock Stock" and a little bit of "Sexy Beast".
58. Born Into Brothels. A - Child photographers use the streets of an Indian red light district as their amazing canvas.
59. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. C - Although I only saw 4 of the 6 installments, even Alec Guiness's melodious voice could not convince me to sit through the rest of the plodding plot.
60. Crash. A - Despite the cliches (yes, we are all complicated and have a little bit of bad and a little bit of good in us - but mostly bad), it was an arresting, disturbing, upsetting film about relations: race, gender, political, you name it.
61. Mighty Aphrodite. C - Not one of Woody Allen's best attempts.
62. Throne of Blood. A - Great take on "MacBeth" but I still like the "Scotland, PA" version best.
63. Superman. D - I had no idea how horrible this movie was until I heard Margot Kidder's voice-over poetry.
64. Triplets of Belleville. A - Despite some of the gross frog-cuisine scenes, quite enjoyable.
65. Fog of War. A - Educational and eye-opening.
66. Central Station. A - Interesting Brazilian movie with unlikeable characters that still get you to root for them.
67. Freaks & Geeks. A - Can't believe I never watched this show when it was on TV.
68. Fantastic Four. C - Not the best of the Marvel comics genre flicks but better than Daredevil.
69. Sky High. B - Kinda cute
70. Serenity. A - Oh, how I miss Joss
71. Nobody Knows. B - Insider's view of the poor side of Tokyo and quite upsetting. *shakes fist at gojira*
72. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. B - Good empty-headed summer flick.
73. Dot the I. D - Incredibly predictable and poorly done.
74. Capturing the Friedmans. B - Bizarre documentary about a father-and-son molestation scandal in NY.
75. Ray. B - Gotta say, Jamie can sing.
76. Mad Hot Ballroom. A - Heart-warming documentary about inner city children learning to move gracefully across the dance floor in high competition.
77. The Wicker Man. D - Freaky freaky movie. *shakes fist at upyernoz*
78. Constantine. B - Matrix + Dogma = not too shabby
79. All Quiet on the Western Front. D - So quiet that I fell asleep. *shakes fist at TP*
80. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. C - Not as good as the book; meh.
81. Story of the Weeping Camel. A - Adorable story about the ugly duckling . . . er . . . baby camel. awwww.
82. Trekkies. B - Scary that I actually recognized the actors, characters, and plots discussed by the avid AVID Star Trek fans. Black Clustah.
83. Wallace and Gromit The Curse of the Wererabbit. A - Cheese! I love cheese!

I'm sure there are more, but I can't remember them now. Will update. Some day. Happy New Year, Y'all!

I got an email from the President. Jealous?


To all DOC employees

President Bush sends the following Holiday Message to the Employees of the Federal Government:

"I send greetings to all Federal employees and your families as you celebrate this holiday season.

Federal service is a high calling and an expression of responsible citizenship. By working to improve lives, advance prosperity, and protect our homeland, you strengthen our country and help many realize the promise of America. Your spirit of professionalism and dedication reflects the best of our society and contributes to the success of our great Nation.

Laura and I send our best wishes to you and your loved ones during this season of hope and joy. May God bless you, and may God continue to bless America."

Signed George W. Bush

Highlights of this weekend

• Met up with my friends from Tunis/Paris at the see-and-be-seen Cafe Milano for some good food at some outrageous prices.
• Revisited this Korean restaurant run by this crazy Korean woman ("You eat! Is good for you!") somewhere between DC and North Carolina where, upon seeing me and confirming my pregnancy by raising her eyebrows and patting her stomach and nodding, confidently predicted that we'll be having a boy.
• Wished Dad a happy birthday with both of us singing a hideously off-key version of "Happy Birthday" - you know, that homemade Pakistani kind?
• Spent Christmas morning sunning myself on the deck of TP's parent's house and basking in the 60 degree weather.
• Made out like a bandit on baby-related paraphenalia.
• Bade adieu to my parents as they made their way to Pakistan.

As of today, it looks like the house is ours again. That's not to say that the story may change any time between now and the closing date - December 29th. It's been a frustrating few weeks. First, we had to negotiate the price. When the seller grudgingly accepted our low-ball offer (which was pathetic in his eyes, but completely valid in today's real estate market), we had the home inspection. When we discovered that they had lied about the age of the roof and that the roof, the columns, the plumbing, and the electrical needed repairs, we had to negotiate who was going to pay for what. Thursday night, we were ready to walk away. Friday morning, a new deal was struck. Friday night, they threatened to walk away. Saturday morning, they came running back and signed the paperwork. Saturday afternoon, they held an open house. Sunday night, they officially told the world that the house was now under contract. So. Um. Stay tuned? I'll let you know whether I need you guys to come over and help us pack or come over and help us comb through the real estate sections of the newspaper.

UPDATE - No house. Termite damage. Major termite damage. $50,000 to $60,000 worth. Walk away. Walk quickly away.

Gone are the days that I would attempt to do a cartwheel on the living room sofa. Been a long time since I've jumped through a hoop made out of my own arms. I've come to terms with that. But I've always been a good walker. I hate running (the only time I can justify it is if I am chasing after something like a ball or a child or if someone is chasing after me), but I can walk until my shoes wear down. Long, purposeful steps. Ground-eating strides. Quick, bouncy lopes. No more.

Thanks to my lil' pirate, I've developed a pain where my left leg meets the rest of my body. Apparently, my ligaments are growing to support the scurvy sea-dog. So I've become even more pirate-like than ever: I have to walk favoring my right leg which makes me look like I'm pacing the deck of a ship with an uneven keel - almost as though my left leg has turned into a peg leg; I yelp out, "ARRRR!" when I have to rise from a sitting position, get out of bed, or get out of the tub; and blimey, I could nae more do a jig to save me life. To all of those who used to trail behind me as I out-paced them, I say Godspeed! (ye lousy landlubbers.)

PANDI'S 'PINIONS

The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsover: Pretty crackin' good yarn about a family of well-meaning but ill-prepared Baptists plunked down in the Congo. The travelogue portion, of course, I love. The insight into each character's behavior and thoughts I found intriguing. Plus, it's practically four-books-in-one!

Mad Hot Ballroom: Captivating to watch a group of tough inner-city children move with such adult grace as they whirl and twirl each other around the ballroom in a dancing competition. Picture Spellbound plus Strictly Ballroom.

Matador at Fifteen: Did I mention this already? Good tunes and lots of 'em. Plus, an extra CD. Plus, a DVD. Plus, liner notes that include hate mail received by the company.

Bah, put away the lemonade. Store the lawn mower. The house is not ours. We had a home inspection done (word to the wise - always get one) and found that the sellers lied about the age of the roof (zero to five years my arse!) and that the house had all sorts of plumbing, electrical, and potential foundation issues. We tried to be reasonable and negotiate with the seller to get them to pay for part of the repairs, but greedy bastages that they are, they refused. So we refused. So it's back to square one. So set the mousetraps, get out the snipery squirt-the-dog gun, and ignore the sirens - looks like we are here to stay for a bit longer.

Monopoly for Asians in the UK



Desi Monopoly is a new special edition board-games celebrating Indians, Pakastanis and other Asians living in the UK; the properties are a mix of Indian icons (famous train stations, the Taj) and Asian neigbourhoods in Britain. Link

via gunnar.

What kind of cards will they have?

• "You have won a beauty contest because you are tall and fair and have green eyes, natural or not. Collect 50 rupees."
• "Take a ride on the Reading Rickshaw"
• "Go to jail. Go directly to jail. But bribe someone and get out of jail free."
• "You have won an eating contest. Collect 50 gulab jamens."

Science!

Science, again!! I said 'Science' again!

Your baby weighs about 5 ounces now, and is around 5 inches long - about the size of a large onion. The baby can move his/her joints, and the skeleton - until now rubbery cartilage - is starting to harden to bone. The sense of hearing is also developing.

Time to bust out some tunes. Suggestions?

No more sushi.
No more coffee.
No more feta, brie, or manchego.
No more than five straight hours of sleep.
No more belts.
No more sleeping on my tummy.
No more junk food.
No more staying up past 9 p.m.
And now, with this season's first snow fall, no more brisk-paced/mad dashes across slippery and slushy walkways to catch the approaching Metro.

Baby is not even born yet and he/she is already in time-out.

So TP and I have been house-hunting (which is different from, but related to, mouse-hunting) lately. And it looks like we may have a winner. Everyone put your du'as in now while it's hot hot hot!

Un. Be. Lieveable. We've been home for four days and in that time, we've caught four mice. That's a mouse a day! At this rate, we're looking at a very Sisyphean winter. Perhaps we should boil their little mouse heads, remove the skin, and display the skulls at mouse-eye-level to serve as a warning to other mice to leave us alone. Nah, too much work. Mouseheads on pikes is much easier.

Ahoy, lads and lassies! We're back. This was the first Thanksgiving spent away from home. It was different but still lovely. Different in that we didn't have anywhere from 20 ("oh, you know, just the family") to 100 people ("well, we just invited a few of our friends") to host, socialize with, feed, and clean up after. Our usual Thanksgiving weekend schedule consists of Mom getting up at an ungodly hour and starting the turkey while the rest of us gradually awaken and get assigned various chores and tasks. Take out the extra chairs! Set the table! Make those puff pastry thingies! Then, the guests begin streaming in. This time, I actually got to sit down and eat my turkey and 'taters and fixin's without having to leap up to offer someone my seat or refill a glass. I missed sharing the weekend with the BIG family (i.e. aunts, uncles, cousins, and all of those close friends whom we've pretty much adopted or absorbed into the family too), but I was happy to be with the core four (now five).

The day after T-day was usually spent doing several loads of dish-washing, laundry-washing, and floor-washing. This time, Mom, Dad, and LB braved Black Friday and hit the mall for new tires (which came with a $50 gift certificate, yay Sears!) and a new TV (which we didn't get, stupid Sears!), while TP and I worked on some home improvements and went for a stroll around the golf course to lounge around by the club house pool and then scare off the cowardly neighborhood alligator sunning himself on the banks of the nearby pond. In the afternoon, instead of continuing the clean-up project or shivering our way to the stores in frigid winter weather, we went to Venice Beach. It was a little disconcerting to spend the end of November in balmy 80 degree weather, walking along a sunny path lined with palm trees and live oaks dripping with Spanish moss on our way to beach, but I got used to it pretty quickly. So, that's a recap of our holiday weekend. What did y'all do?

Things learned this weekend:

• no matter how often you tell your husband not to give you his cold, he will disobey.
• the 10 lane Delaware tollbooth narrowing to 2 lanes is the suck in both directions.
• upyernoz lives in an amazing, gargantuan abode with its own mudroom, monkeyroom, and gameroom.
• I thought only Tetris had this ability, but Settlers of Catan invaded my dreams after only a single game.
• our little peanut is growing and is now the size of a lemon.
• T-minus three days until Florida! Yay!

Matador at Fifteen. Good stuff.

Super Soaker Liquidator to aim sniper-like from the second story window and hit the barking neighbor dog. Good stuff.

Chipotle's Veggie Burrito at 1:00 a.m. when some little monster wakes me up craving guacamole. Good stuff.

Like daughter, like mother.

Scene I: Anticipating H-Biddy's arrival, I get on-line to check the flight status and in the corner of my eye, catch her on-line too.

Facsimile of Dialogue:
"Hey! Where are you? What are you doing?"
"Hey, Baji! Oh, you know, just chilling."
"Are you at the airport?"
"What? No, I'm at home."
"WHAT?! Your flight leaves in about half an hour!"
"LOL! Oh, Baji. My flight is tomorrow!"
"Are you sure? Because LB, the Palm Pilot Nazi she is, assured me that you were coming in today."
"Hahahaha, no."
"Well, just go check your ticket anyway."
"Fine, I'll be right back."
-- pause --
"Oh NOOOOOO!!!!!"
End scene.

Scene II: Several years later. Anticipating Literaunty's arrival, I get on-line to check the flight status and discover that rather than ARRIVING at 8:30 p.m. the flight was DEPARTING at 8:30 p.m.

Facsimile of Dialogue:
"Literaunty! Where are you?!"
"Hello, beta, we are in Atlanta! Our flight is about to leave in twenty minutes or so."
-- pause --
"Did I tell you that we were arriving at 8:30?"
"YES! We were almost on our way to pick you up and I came to check if the flight was delayed or not and found out it hasn't even taken off yet!"
"Oh, I suspected that I told you the wrong information, but then I thought since I gave you the flight information, you would figure it out."
"Oh, Aunty, you are just as bad as H-Biddy. But at least you were only 2 hours off instead of 24 hours off."

Like son, like father.

Scene III: Sitting around the dinner table, engaging in some gup-shup, Izbot contributes.

Facsimile of Monologue:

"Have you seen that Spongebob where he thinks that Plankton is only evil and trying to steal Krabby-patties because he doesn't have any friends? So he tries to be his friend and then Spongebob finds out that Plankton doesn't even know what the word "FUN" means? So he starts to sing this song to explain it to him? And it goes, "F is for Friends who do stuff together. U is for You and meeeee. N is for Anywhere and anytime at all down here in the deep blue sea"? But then Plankton messes it up and says, "F is for Fire that burns down the whole town. U is for URANIUM...BOMBS! . . . . "

Scene IV: Sitting around the breakfast table, engaging in some gup-shup, Literuncle contributes.

Facsimile of Monologue:

"Have you seen that Spongebob where SpongeBob says a bad word but instead of the word, all you hear is a loud honk, like "ahhhOOOOgah!" and what is that fellow's name? Hahn, Patrick is shocked and tells him not to say that anymore? But Spongebob can't help himself and he repeats it and Patrick threatens to tell on him but Spongebob bribes him with some ice cream? But then Patrick goes to tell what is that boss's name? Hahn, Krabby. Patrick tries to tell Krabby but Spongebob beats him to it and tells Krabby that Patrick said the bad word and again it is just "HONK!" And Krabby tells that that is one of the 13 bad words they should never say and then when he reads out the list, it's just all "HONK! OOOGAH! BEEP! RAAAHH!!! . . . . "

The good: having Veteran's Day off; TP buying me doughnuts because I casually mentioned that I hadn't had any in ages; a visit from Literaunty and Literuncle; Martinelli's Sparkling Cider; Steve Martin's "diving competition" sketch.

The bad: Netflix delivering "Shaun of the Dead" waaay past the Halloween due date they promised; startled neighbor dogs who are too stupid to figure out where the spray of water comes from when they bark; trying to cook pasta without any electricity; the 30 degrees we'll have tonight.

The ugly: me when I catch some brat neighborhood kids fooling around in pretend fights and slamming into my parked car for fun; the amount of dust on top of the tallest bookcase; the gigantic people on the metro who take up a seat and a half with their girth and bags thereby preventing anyone from sitting in the half-empty seat.

Ooh-wee-ooh-wee-ooooooohhhh (wah wah wah) . . .

Ahoy, lads and lassies! After hitting Home Depot (never-ending house repairs) and IHOP (four kinds of syrup!), this is how I spent my weekend. How about you?

Eid Mubarak, y'all!

Okay, my fellow scrabbie-lovers, literati-junkies, and bibliophiles. Here's your quiz for the day. How many words can you make out of the following letters? Enjoy! Eid Mubarak, evrrrrybody! ("Eid Mubarak, Dr. Nick!")

Away goes the air conditioner, out comes the heater.
Away go the t-shirts, out come the sweaters.
Away goes hanging out, out comes staying in. Er. Um.
What I'm trying to say is it's movie season! Netflix, ho! *Thundercats bellow*
(which, by the way, is now out on dee-wee-dee)

Constantine = Matrix + Dogma - Silent Bob

Fog of War = Read Upyernoz's review

All Quiet on the Western Front = Take away TP's Netflix privileges.

Superman, the Movie = Classic superhero tale - good acting, good plot, and good dialogue (NB Margot Kidder's atrocious voice-over poetry that makes you want to spoon your eardrums out).

Triplets of Belleville = Breaking Away + Godfather + koo-koo-krazy animation.

The Machinist = Memento + Usual Suspects - 100 lbs.

The Story of the Weeping Camel = Animal Planet + Ugly Duckling